Paranormal Investigations 8 - Preston Castle

Hello, I am the Prime Minister. Today I will tell you about this movie.

It is not good. I like horror movies, even the ones that are so bad they become hilarious. This is not one of those movies.

The premise of this movie is that 1 college chick is trying to get her best friend hooked up with this college guy after a breakup. They hang out for a few seconds at a lake and then he drives them over to a spooky place so they can spook each other. However, the best friend is only there to bone him and the 1 college chick doesn't even want to be there at all.

None of them act like real humans do. Yes, there are many moments where there is clearly just bad acting, but also the personality given to these characters is flat and not relatable.

The horror is so bad I cringed a few times, but other times I put my face in my palms. The only people who would be convinced by this are little children. The actors do not know how to portray fear, and certainly do not know how to act like someone is dying. The only person dying here is me, from how bad this is.

In my book, the only criteria for a good horror movie is actors who know how to portray a frightened human who is fearing for their life. Fear is a very powerful emotion, which this movie mocks.

This is also NOT a Found Footage movie. FFs are my favorite sub-genre, however the "Camera" parts are just a girl who can't afford a cell phone for Snapchat. It adds nothing to the movie experience and doesn't even need to be there.

Also, this movie is made up of poorly- shot jump scares that you can see coming from a kilometer away. I even started counting the seconds in-between jump scares. If you made this into a drinking game, you would drown. My profile picture is the face I often made while watching the scenes. Please, I pray for you and your eyes.