I'm pretty certain three out of the four reviews here are from people that worked on this movie... and I use the word "movie" loosely. Apparently, a group of people had delusions of grandeur and thought they were making a B-movie masterpiece, but ended up with a Z-movie not fit for a bargain bin.
You start off the movie with a retro grind house "special presentation" opener that, for a few seconds, gives you nostalgia for movies you would rather be watching. The movie moves onto a shot of an owl sitting in a tree... and then it defecates before it flies away. If that isn't foreshadowing for what you're about to witness, I don't know what is.
The characters are such an A-list cast including:
'Guy Reading His Lines Off Screen' playing 'Generic Scientist'
'Sushii Holder' (probably a porn name) playing 'Lesbian Scientist'
'Boob Lady' playing 'Lesbian Scientist's Girlfriend'
'Can't Do A Proper Accent' playing 'Evil German Scientist Stereotype'
'Token Black Man' playing 'Thug 1 With A Gun And Money'
'I Look Like The Lead Guy From Birdemic' playing 'Thug 2 That Wears An Eye Patch'
'They Found Me On The Street' playing 'Thug 3 That Looks Like Reject Joe Dirt'
'Beer Gut' playing 'Not Even Rent-A-Cop'
'I'm Someone's Math Teacher' playing 'Racist Italian Stereotype'
There is also 'Generic News Anchor' named L. Kaufman, played by Lloyd Kaufman. Yeah, that's really subtle. He's also holding a mic with "Troma TV" taped to it, as if these morons think they're anywhere near the cult status of Kaufman's Troma franchise.
None of the actors can act, it's apparent they were just fed their lines and told to stand on the "X" for the shot. Ironically, the only one that actually had any level of talent was Larry (Thug 1 with the gun). We're not talking Hollywood a-list celeb here, but he at least seemed to understand what and who his character was. It was at least convincing enough to want more of him.
The movie spends a lot of time reminding us the girls are lesbians. It's such a stunning and brave movie that finally represents lesbians in a positive light. They assault some poor bar patron and tell him they're lesbians, they randomly take showers for no other reason than they're lesbians, they're flashing and rubbing their naked bodies against each other, truly stunning and brave and absolutely no indication this was just the director's attempt at making a porno. They also sit around and talk about the guys they want to have sex with... because they're lesbians. Absolutely made for a modern audience. Lesbian Scientist always has this "I don't want to be here" look on her face especially at the very end. I wonder if she owed someone money.
The sets... well, there are no sets. If it's not someone's house, it's a couple walls made out of plywood with a folding table in the middle. It's embarrassing to see what they attempted to pass off as a lab, it looks like someone raided their kid's science set they bought at Walmart to use as props.
There is a soundtrack and if the swamp woman music sounds familiar, it's because it's some strange rendition 'This is Halloween' from "The Nightmare Before Christmas". The movie ends with ANOTHER shower scene and some techno version of 'Let's Hear It For The Boys'. Aside from that, there is nothing else notable about the music.
The only makeup is when Lesbian Scientist is mysteriously turned green and naked. It's never really shows WHY she is turned green and naked, she wasn't injected with anything, just that after her beating, she runs miles and miles out of the city into the swamp (while naked for some reason) and then becomes swamp woman. They give her some goofy teeth and don't bother to cover the hairline with the same green paint. She also wears Crocs... must be some kind of attempt at humor, get it? Crocs? She's a reptile (I think)? Filmed by a studio with a croc as the mascot? Funny. She also questions whether she can still have children... because that's how lesbians work, right? I guess if she got in-vitro, but who is going to hold her down? It's obvious the writers... well, the people who wrote the script, didn't actually put thought into this. They just said "hey, this is funny, we'll put it in".
Swamp Woman herself is barely even in her own movie, clocking in at a whopping 4.5 minutes TOTAL and when she is, all she does is run around the woods talking to herself. She occasionally kills people that come looking for her, but other than that, nothing happens.
The type of exploitation this is attempting to cash in on is just sad. They don't understand what made those old exploitation movies so enjoyable to watch. Even the bad ones were still entertaining in their own way, this movie is just tedious to sit through and even with all the nudity, you're still looking at your watch and thinking "how did this make it to an hour in run time?". They could have cut out all the padding and whittled this down to a half hour easy and still could have told the same story. They threw in random shower scenes with the two girls that last waaay too long. The lighting and grading don't match the rest of the movie, which is why I think they weren't originally trying to make a low-budge sci-fi movie.
At the end, this isn't even good enough to warrant watching for how bad it is. The editing is terrible, the thin plot is written by children, it's boring, and not even the nude girls are enough to make you want to sit through it. Skip this trash.
