Biker Zombies

Biker Zombies from Detroit. A title that says it all. Now if you are reading this comment then you must have read some if not all of the other comments. A very verbal bunch don't you think? The reason for this is obvious if you have watched the classic cult movie that is Bikers (we call it that for short). But the problem is that most people have apparently missed the point of this production. I not only saw this movie but also actually had the opportunity to meet someone who actually worked on it (they were in a drunken stupor when they confessed).

As it turns out those higher powers that were responsible for this movie knew with a title like "Biker Zombies from Detroit" that they had an instant drinking game on the hands. One of those games that when those who are indulging in joys of inebriation watch certain films or TV shows that anytime a predictable word or gesture is produced all must drink (Picard straitens tunic, Kramer burst through door, etc. etc. etc.). Horrified that Bikers could lead to an epidemic level of alcoholism and rampant drug use the kind souls behind Bikers knew what they must do, deep down in their hearts.

Let us figure out the parameters of a drinking game based on the epic BIKER ZOMBIES FROM DETROIT.

1. Anytime that a Biker is seen riding (not smoking) a hog (motorcycle).

2. Anytime that a Zombie is seen, heard or even referred to at all.

3. Anytime that the fine city of Detroit can be recognized in the motion picture.

Those seem like the simple and obvious rules. So the movie-makers in their infinite wisdom decided that the liability of all those drunken video watchers on a rampage could be deterred was to insure the following.

1. Keep the Biker count as low as possible. It was said they actually shot a scene with over 150 biker extras but left it out for sobriety's sake.

2. Ditto on the Zombies, less is more. Again the zombie hordes of extras on the cutting room floor. (rumor has it a cameo by the 60's rock group "The Zombies" as the band in the club was omitted because of the double drink implications).

3. Finally absolutely no footage shot in the city of Detroit. A custom aerial shot of the city was replaced by footage of another Metropolitan City shot from the back of a cab.

But unfortunately they overlooked some major areas, so reckless bingeing can still be had.

1. Drink when ever a character makes an impossible observation (I dare anyone to identify the undergarments wore by anyone wearing bagging non hip hugger denim or corduroy pants while a large sweat shirt or over coat is worn).

2. This next rule applies to all TV and movie drinking games, Cop eating a donut. You must drink double if the cop eating the donut is "waiting in the car".

3. Somebody dies with a silly smile on his or her face. Slam it on this one.

4. Anytime someone just sits on a bike and does not ride it (I was informed that they had to use trained monkeys for the motorcycle riding scenes as the actors that were suppose to ride the bikes were untrained).

5. A bubbly buxom blond bounces across the frame. (Remember to drink after the scene is done to avoid the inevitable spit take)

6. And for you raving alcoholics anytime some one swears. If you don't want to get your stomach pumped maybe make it only when they curse more than once in a sentence. Don't worry you still get fall down drunk between the fat bald bouncer and the Arabic speaking gas station owner (Yeah all that gibberish he is saying is all cuss words about a fist, a goat and somebody's mother from what I understand) and of course the "F Word Guy" is now a cult movie icon. He is suppose to be on the ComiCon circuit soon.

So in this context you understand what was trying to be attempted by the people behind Biker Zombies from Detroit.

On a more sober, excuse me somber note I finally met someone in person who seen the movie and loved it (the "in person" part is important because I know with out a doubt that they have no ulterior motive good or bad as they had nothing to do with it or knew anyone who did). Their one regret was that it ended too soon. So like several of the other people who either loved it or hated it the truth lies in that there is no ending and should be a sequel to this mightiest of the cult classics to wrap up the story. Albeit one that attempts to get everyone more drunk than an white trash wedding at a frat house on St. Patrick's Day.

My apologies to Irish Frat boys so on triple secret suspension as to have the frat house located in the trailer park.