If it were only a fraction of its length, "Action Jackson" would be of the sort of perfectly-bad movies ideal for riotously ripping into with a group of snarky-sarcastic friends. However, its 3 hour run time turns it into a psychologically torturous endurance test as it drags its dead carcass through enough plot clichés and randomly thrown-in twists for four films.
Viewers lured in with the promise of a meet-cute Bollywood rom-com, will be confused and horrified when the body count reaches in the high hundreds. "Action Jackson" is actually a bizarre amalgamation of two Bollywood rom-coms, a stereotypical assassin- turned-good-guy out for revenge flick, and the Parent Trap. But with 007 Bond villains (I will admit, I enjoyed the super-campy villains). However, instead of a cohesive blending of these elements, it feels as if the random limbs from at least four different films were amateurishly hacked-off and thrown into a pile to rot together and produce this...thing.
Watch an old guy with obviously CGIed abs (they move up and down on their own!) play not one, but two, action heroes badly, as he poses like a teen model every chance he gets and speaks only in garbled, bizarre, one-liners ("It's my way, or the Skyway." "Me, criminally bad." are some of the gems) and flirts with two much younger, extremely similar women the plot keeps forgetting about.
The dancing is bad and makes no sense with the plot half the time, the lines are dubbed as poorly as an old kung-foo film and sometimes not translated at all, and most parts are so laughably wretched that you will openly mock the movie in order to stay sane.
I nearly cried when I discovered there was still over an hour left.
People walked out of the theater.
"Action Jackson" could have been "the Room" of the Indian film industry, but is so long and crappy, it really isn't worth bothering with.
