The Cottage

Comment declaration: I am a genuine viewer with no intention of distorting the IMDb ratings to make people go and watch it (yes...the PR corruption of this website annoys me). Anyway...

For some reason I fell for the hype and thought this would be something different. I went along to the Kino on my own and had a big bowl of popcorn ready for the best of British.

The film started very predictably and there was nothing new standing out. No interesting camera work, script or imagination.

I like Serkis and Ellison and I reckon they both did an OK job. I liked the way Ellison didn't give a hoot how she looked on camera. Flab, bad skin and cellulite...it was all there. Good to see she is a pro about the acting and not just glossy. Her character was mean and moody and made me smile. But it was all predictable physical comedy that relied a lot on the "C" word. Not a nice word to use a lot.

I was aware it was going to be a kidnap followed by a killer but I couldn't work out the twist...and then I found out there just wasn't one. It was just plain and predictable with some very dull gore scenes. There is nothing new at all worth mentioning here. No imagination or attempt to break the cliché. As for the ending...well I really didn't see the point. Very flat and I was glad I could go.

I would like to say I was left with more questions than answers but it was just such a non-event that I really didn't give it a seconds thought.

How will I remember this film? Serkiss looked very mean. Ellison was nastily funny and had a great bod in the back of the car. Very odd second half that didn't really go anywhere.

Very very disappointing. Rating 5/10 (because the head butting scene made me smile).