Game On

My A/B comparison of "Game On" with its bowdlerized Showtime after hours version "Sexquerade Ball" proved to be a futile enterprise: once- lauded director Nick Orleans put little thought or energy into the lifeless romance.

In keeping with my philosophy that porn is part of a continuum of entertainment, I started watching with the goal of holding Nick to the highest standard. My point of comparison was the greatest film in the "relationship break-up" genre, Maurice Pialat's "We Won't Grow Old Together", which I saw at its NY (fest) premiere over 40 years ago. Alas, Orleans' work here couldn't pass muster compared to a Bowery Boys quickie.

He gets a zero in every department; indifferent casting, poor acting, nonexistent script development, mechanical sex scenes, and what seems like a fatal drifting off from even his own premise. As with another recent failure of his, the 3rd in his "The Perfect Secretary" series, what we see is more indulgent fetishism than making a crypto-movie.

Original title ("Game On") refers to a code for instant sex, as Sara Luvv and Gavin Kane enjoy the spontaneity of reciting the phrase, dropping everything and making love. I was a bit surprised that Orleans announces this premise in the first scene, but doesn't follow through at all - instead we see after 7 years of living together they are tired of the game, and itching for something (someone) new, and never whip into sexual action after saying it.

Luvv, who divides her time between pure gonzo and more demanding acting assignments, brings nothing to her role, seeming more sullen than vivacious. The day before watching these 2 versions of the same film I had written in a review of another XXX vs. cable offering "Getting Cozy" that Tommy Gunn's miscasting might have been as a replacement for Logan Pierce, picking Logan's name at random. Much to my surprise, in the BTS short subject here star Gavin Kane relates that he was a last-minute (barely time for rehearsal) replacement for none other than Logan Pierce, who had to drop out of Orleans' project due to a schedule conflict.

Kane is truly terrible, and even had the film been better in every other respect his Black Hole non-performance would have sunk it. Both leads play the field, Kane calling up old girl friends, and Luvv experimenting with lesbianism, hardly a stretch from her fans' point-of-view.

To kill time Nick stages several low-budget set-pieces that fall flat. Kane arrives at Willow Hayes' pool party, where many non-sex beauties dance around semi-naked. They make love in their midst and big-nosed Willow once again baffles me in what's an inappropriate (physically) girl like you doing in erotic cinema? An unspoken fetish of lots of pubic hair (Willow's specialty, extending to Luvv and most of the rest of the femme cast) is on view.

The lesbian 3-way is a good point of comparison for cable vs. Adam & Eve DVD version. On the DVD, a segment of Luvv with gal pals Abigail Mac (stealing the scene via her big breasts) and Selma Sins trying on lingerie is presented as a "bonus" segment, and is pure filler. For cable, this soft- core interlude is included in the film proper, and dull as dishwater. It's only point of interest is to highlight a Valley Girl type of verbal tic I've noticed increasingly in porn-speak, as the ladies politely (and repeatedly to the point of resembling a speech impediment) pronounce emphatically "Than- queue!" as a sort of submissive signal. You can't miss it during this 3- minute low point.

Sex filler is tossed in by way of Veruca James randomly humping Daniel Hunter in the kitchen, a scene that is poorly introduced and goes nowhere except to fill the requirement of "Sex vignette #3". Hunter coincidentally was the male lead in "Getting Cozy" and has zero talent.

Feature culminates in "Masked Magic Match Up Ball", a non-event hosted (in mask) by Nickey Huntsman, and as poorly directed as humanly possible. It goes on endlessly, shot MOS with Huntsman (or some voice-over artist) narrating as the folks pair off to "find the perfect mate" while masked. This idiotic premise to get our two lifeless leads back together again is 100% cornball and never works: I recall Fred Lincoln basing a poor film starring Jamie Gillis "That's Outrageous" back in the Golden Age revolving around a masqued ball.

What transpires over several reels is Orleans' version of grab-ass, already on display in "Perfect Secretary 3", where his camera lovingly ogles the backside of mainly non-sex extras wearing patterned pantyhose and other lingerie at the party, dutifully rubbed by their partner as if John Stagliano had taken over directing for a "Buttman" episode. Huntsman earns her keep with a quality blow job of a disembodied (the guy's masked throughout) big dick and Luvv & Gavin remove their masks for fake-shock of recognition and a final hump, back together again, announcing "Game On" for the hard of hearing in the audience.

Worst news in comparing 113 minutes of bad road in XXX land with 78 minutes of pay-cable snoozerama action is that the Showtime version proves that leaving the explicit sex (Huntsman's oral achievement is missing in action, just a shot of the back of her head momentarily) out of a porn film can be disastrous. At least the Skinemax features of decades back with Monique Parent or Shauna O'Brien doing her soft-core thing were mildly interesting, but Orleans without penetration or money shot is unwatchable.