Taxi 5

Don't make the same mistake I did - seeing the cool poster and be excited, then reading about the new cast and the reviews thinking "okay this will not be good, but even Taxi 4 was somewhat watchable". Don't make that mistake. This movie did not take the wrong turn a few times. This movie was never even on the road. This movie was at the junkyard the whole time, smashed into scrap metal parts and oil spill. And nobody should watch that.

The very, very few good parts are all blatantly copied from the first films. Like, some of the music parts are okey. And Marsielle is always Marsielle. And if this would've been the first movie I saw where a white Peugeot transformed into a distinctive race car, maybe I would condsider giving it one and a half stars. Maybe. However, this is not the case. Taxi 1-3 had it all done before.

The best charachter in all the previous movies is without a doubt the taxi car. But even the beloved car feels boring here. No fun car chases, and extremly boring and unlogical crashes. It all feels slow and low-budget. Worst of all, the taxi get's a unforgivable shameful treatment in at least two scenes (one including a Ferrari driving past by(!), one - and the most irritating - including a boat).

You're happy that atleast Daniel and Émilien are nowhere to be seen, blacken the reputations of themselves. Or a talanted actress like Marion Cotillard in this - unthinkable. But yes, some of the original actors are in place. The problem is that where Alain and commissaire Gibert before were characters that was not the smartest and always went into trouble, you somehow could like them a little. Here they're morons, impossible to sympahtize with.

Remarkably enough, all the new characters are even more stupid. The police force in Marseille is actually so stupid, unsympathetic and awful it hurts. The same goes for the bad guys. Also, those actors are so wrong in their roles, while trying to look scary they're just looking like annoying fools. When my friend saw a scene where the major bad guy was threating another person she said he looked like a giant teddy bear, wanting a clap on his head.

Watching all these complete idiots doing what the director - and also lead actor - horribly enough must consider being humour is dreadful. That is the general problem. Everything is stupid. Nothing is charmful. Wrong casting, wrong plot, wrong "jokes", wrong everything. Just thinking about that this movie is associated with the franchise, forever dishonouring the name "Taxi", makes you physical ill. "Taxi 4" was indeed a tired botch but this - this is trash on a whole new level.

So again, fight your curiosity. Don't make the same mistake I did.