Heidi

Disney is known for some pretty cheesy rock-to-the-head morals but usually the high budget production at least makes it tolerable. This, on the other hand, is low budget Disney cheese - the stuff you find at the back of your fridge and shove way back in, in the hopes that maybe if you ignore it long enough it'll go away. It begins by shoehorning in an overdramatic scene with Heidi's parents. They are on screen for a handful of minutes so who even cares about them? Nobody, at the point where they stand frozen in stupidity watching a tree really really really slowly topple over after being struck by lightening. Seriously. I was glad they were dead. They deserved it. And it all went downhill from there. Whoever cast the Heidi kid... I'm not sure what they were going for. It was like they said "we're looking for another Annie, only with no personality." Honestly, I don't even particularly like Shirley Temple, and the Shirley Temple version was a thousand times beyond this one in terms of quality. Shirley brought personality and precociousness to the role that this kid entirely lacks. As the movie rests on this kid's shoulders, it fails dismally, especially as the rest of the cast perform equally poorly, making the whole movie an exercise in wondering "good god, how much of this can possibly be left to watch?"