The Pleasure Machine

Joe Sarno didn't put much effort into this porn video, hiding behind the pseudonym of "Monica Fitta" as director. It's not very funny, and instead of erotic one is forced to watch nearly an hour of extreme close-ups of genitalia.

Cara Lott plays a scientist working on a formula to create an aphrodisiac that will turn a woman on for weeks at a time. It's not working, and she has three million female sponsors backing her experiments, anxiously waiting for results.

Enter Ron Jeremy wearing a bright blue cape, arriving in New York from Mongolia. He bears yogurt made from yak's milk, the key ingredient to making Lott's formula work. But first he quickly seduces Lott's secretary Melissa Melendez, as she becomes aroused by the aroma he can't scrub off his body: Yak Mating Musk, itself a powerful aphrodisiac. Sloppy Sarno messes up the opening scene, wherein Melendez swoons and demands Ron's cock, by cutting to the next set-up which repeats, in a different take the same set-up of her becoming overcome by his musk.

Back to the formula: Ron delivers the yogurt milk and it works, making Lott horny. It also works on her fellow scientist Alexis Firestone, and besides Ron there is the running gag of Melendez's boyfriend Damian Cashmere constantly coming to the office asking for money to bet at the racetrack. Lucky for him there are three very horny women anxious to hand him anywhere from $20 to $50 to be serviced sexually.

That's the movie, plus a goofy subplot of Jeremy claiming to be have been born in Brooklyn, and left for Mongolia at age 20 in 1857. His longevity is explained as a variation of Oscar Wilde's "Picture of Dorian Gray" premise: ron claims that he doesn't age but somewhere in Mongolia there's a three-year-old yak that looks as old as he should. Oh the horror of that imagery!

Sarno fans generally skip these awful exercises in garbage XXX porn he shot in the 1980s, but not me -I'm a sucker for punishment.