Love Potion #9

Joe Sarno put even less effort than usual into this would-be XXX sex comedy, titled LOVE POTION #9 on screen, and LOVE LOTION #9 on the video box. The promised aphrodisiac never figures in the script or finished program.

Instead we get Ron Jeremy trying REALLY hard to keep the viewer amused, as a door-to-door salesman of the "Peter Plunkett Physical Perfection Course" at $600 a pop. The promised potions or lotions (presumably part of the course) are never alluded to or shown.

Sarno lifts bits & pieces of many of his other videos for the modest plot. Pic opens with Dana Dylan arriving at sister Rachel Ashley's pad to crash there. She's left her hubby George (Damian Cashmere). The siblings bump into Britt Morgan on the sidewalk. Britt is a successful fashion designer, and an old college chum of Rachel's (heard that one before, Sarno fans?). Though she lives on CPW in Manhattan, she has a hideaway love nest at 43 Elm St. in Queens (there is no such street), which she invites the other gals to use (very familiar plot device!).

Britt doesn't want to tarnish her image that her p.r. people are trying to protect, hence the remote hideaway. This is the same premise as Sarno used for Britt in an even worse video CRITICAL POSITIONS, also employing Cashmere and Jeremy in the male roles. The bedroom set that stands in for the love pad is identical with that Sarno used in PRIMARY PLEASURES.

Not to be outdone, Rachel's pad has incredibly cheap & random looking decorations and memorabilia (none fitting her personality whatsoever), while a third teentsy set for Jeremy's office is little more than a wooden desk and a stupid-looking business growth chart on the wall.

George visits Rachel at the love nest and she has sex with her brother-in-law. Her big breasts highlight this mechanical sex scene, which ends desultorily with Rachel yelling (in bored voice): "okay" après-sex.

Dylan is at home when Jeremy arrives. He looks around at the meager decorations and says "Nice place", only sounding sarcastic in context. Dylan looks bored as Ron cracks jokes but perks up after feeling his "penile muscle". However, Rachel arrives, makes fun of Ron as "a hunchback" and throws him out.

Back at the love nest, Britt addresses the viewer directly, showing her secret tape recorder under the bed, presumably for blackmail purposes. Rachel phones her and visits for lesbian sex, both clad on the bed in black hose, garter belts and high heels -solid for fetish fans.

Dylan borrows the nest and invites Ron back for a demo, waiting for him nude, clad only in high heels. Despite a wobbly camera (camera assistant Jackson Smith was promoted to d.p. for this video), their sex scene together is hot, including yeoman deep throat work by Dana.

Returning to the nest, Britt is turned on by the recorded moans of Dylan, so she grabs her off the sidewalk, brings her to the hideaway and easily seduces her. I guess it's like Billie Jean King bagging both of the Williams sisters. On second thought, not.

Meanwhile, Rachel is horny for George again, but can't reach him so she settles for Jeremy, masturbating while waiting. Her scene with Ron is staged virtually identically with his previous bout with Dylan. Afterwards, masturbating with a noisy Sarno vibrator, Ashley discovers the tape recorder and pockets the tape.

George services Britt, while the sisters listen to the tape of themselves. Supposedly, the tape reveals that Ashley was humping Dana's hubby George. After Britt has finished with George, she finds the tape has been removed, and packs her belongings, announcing (and muffing her line) in effect: "It's that time of year that (sic) fold up my tent and silently steal away". Thus ends another WPA porn video from down-on-his luck Joe Sarno.

Despite the slipshod presentation, all three femmes are attractive and sexually alluring, making LOVE {something or other} #9 watchable porn.