Planet of the Gapes

Belatedly (over a couple of decades late) watching Tom Byron's "Planet of the Gapes" I was immediately struck by its absence of integrity: after a stupid credits sequence of a guy in a Gorilla suit dancing around with a dildo-cock sticking out, it opens with actresses Allysin Chaynes and Sabrina Johnson interviewed by Byron, establishing that Allysin is not (professionally) into anal sex.

So she has a threesome with Sabrina and Tom in which she's "introduced" to sodomy by observing the couple in action, plus plenty of lesbian sex included. Yes, it's obvious that this 2-hour video has nothing to do with movies at all, let alone satirizing the Charlton Heston hit. It's all sex junk for anal-sex fans with a catchy title attached.

No surprise that it was released by Rob Black & Lizzie Borden's infamous label Extreme Associates, a principal (alongside of course Max Hardcore) of the gonzo revolution which has since conquered porn almost entirely.

I wanted to blame Rob and LIz for this clunker, but it comes from Tom Bryon Productions, merely finding the couple as a happy distribution home. While a Hall of Famer for his innumerable Adult Cinema movies as actor, Byron as director has specialized entirely in gonzo crap, starting with his "Cumback Pussy" and "Lord of Asses" series and encompassing hundreds of ephemeral releases.

"Gapes" is sloppily directed and edited by Byron, merely a cheerful demonstration that porn talent will do anything for a buck. True fans get the gynecological (and proctological) closeups, and respectable talent like Raquel Devine act and talk lowdown for the camera.

Is it demeaning? Sure, but everyone, including Tom Byron, "gotta make a buck" somehow.