Beyond Loch Ness

I never went into this expecting a particularly good movie, with a title like Loch Ness Terror, who would? So, when it finished, I got what I expected. The plot is nonsensical, there are lapses in logic, clichéd characters and sub-plots everywhere, poor CGI and an ending that is beyond anti-climatic. Basically, the film revolved around a grizzled (and unintentional Clint Eastwood rip-off?) cryptozoologist who witnessed his father consumed by Nessie many years ago. Thrown into the mix is a "crazy" uncle who claims to have seen the beast, a sheriff whose husband passed away and is now looking after a son. Surprise surprise, he is still in love with his ex-girlfriend who is now dating a rich jerk! If that is not the most predictable and boring story you have heard of, please tell of another...

Honestly, none of the actors are any good. Brian Krause, who plays Clint Eastwood...I mean James Murphy (zoologist) has it all. The hat, the scar, the cigar, the low voice...not Eastwood at all! All the other performers are just as bad (well, maybe except the old deputy guy, he was pretty funny). At times I was rooting for the dinosaur to eat them, as I could not stand their presence any longer. And on the topic of the dinosaur, could it be any faker? Honestly, there has been numerous cases of sub-par CGI, but this tops them all. All the digital effects stand out to the point where they look like cutouts from a video game. The gore could have been a tad redeeming, if it had looked somewhat mediocre instead of pathetic.

Paul Ziller, the director, has not got a shred of noticeable talent. The POV shots are unoriginal and poorly done (Jaws much?) and for a horror film, there are zero scares. In fact, if this were a comedy it would be excellent, as I found myself laughing through pretty much the entire running time of 74 minutes. When the end comes around, it is so lackluster it is almost hard to believe. Recommended for lovers of bad films and people who love a good laugh.

½/5