Bringing Back the Bush

Showtime and stablemate The Movie Channel have been showing plenty of bowdlerized porn (XXX edited to softness) from the Adam & Eve and New Sensations/Digital Sin labels lately, most of it bad. Nick Orleans continues his recent losing streak with this paean to hairy pussies that was very difficult to watch but will most certainly attract millions of eyeballs (only slightly exaggerating) when sent cleansed to cable in the not too distant future.

For strictly educational purposes, there is a sequence in the BTS short subject which actually addresses the differences between XXX and acceptable X. A rather boring exposition scene in which a girl shows the hair lurking under her short shorts is being re-shot for the cable version and Nick informs the players they'll have to do it over -the revealing of nudity included a split-beaver shot - evidently a no-no for the Masters of Cable (who I assume also ban erect cocks from public display). This is slightly ironic, since circa 1969/1970 split-beaver shots were all the rage in soft-core Adult cinema, while they have somehow been reconsidered as over the line into hardcore classification for practical purposes.

The wimpy story line makes the plots of those '50s Nudist Camp movies seem like Somerset Maugham plays by comparison. Writing credited to Nick (ouch!) posits a bunch of young women who not only adhere to the Lesbian-led "let it grow" movement (oops, I've accidentally invented a Disney parody title -any pornographers reading this are welcome to it) but endlessly discuss the pros and cons. Consensus led by star Raven Rockette (looking just MAHvellous) is that the time and effort saved on maintenance makes it all worthwhile.

While this scintillating discussion is going on, the wimp male cast is around for humping purposes. Yet Nick doesn't have his heart in it. He betrays his chief fetish unsubtly by contriving to have girls parading around in sexy pantyhose as often as possible, just as he has in all of his recent movies. Since A & E has been making plenty of these one-note specialty films lately, devoted to blow jobs, etc., I wish Nick would come out of his closet literally and just follow fellow porn fetishist Kendo's example - big Ken made a delightful daring! Media feature titled "I Worship Pantyhose".

The only almost-saving grace in well over two hours of sludge was the appearance of Trillium, a welcome escapee from the Fetish Video wasteland, who brings her naturalism (and natural if meager under the circumstances volume of light-toned pubic hair) to the party. The other players, including such lookers as Rockette and Jade Nile are a bore. Ela Darling, bosomy Sarah Vandella and Kasey Warner are also featured.

Good news is that cable fans can expect a trim 70 minutes or so running time, lucky devils. Being a wimp (eschewing XXX) can be an advantage.

P.S.: Re-reading/re-proofing my review in 2017 I noticed the word "trim" in my final paragraph -be assured it was not meant as a pun, but simply to reflect the editing process of whittling down a hardcore feature to soft-core cableization.