Curiosity Killed the Cat

Barrett Blade's prolific output of crappy video content for producer Bree Mills includes this idiotic series of "Milking Table" vignettes, built around a piece of furniture for massage purposes that has a hole in it for the male client to stick his dick through while lying on his belly. The masseuse stops the rubdown, crawls below the table and jerks/sucks him off for our listening and dancing pleasure in Video Land.

This is a sad excuse for a premise, but like Pres. Trump, once Blade & Mills get an idée fixe in their noggins they can never let go, and insist on repeating themselves endlessly. So how could I enjoy such nonsense? Two words: Lylith Lavey.

She's a mega-busty porn actress I was not aware of, but scored mightily in her vignette here (encouraging me to grab the nearest Brazzers spotlighting her, a disappointing all-sex episode on that label's compilation "Yoga Freaks 2"). The "concept" here is that client Romeo Price, who just wants a basic massage, balks at the $200 price tag she's charging to get him to cum, and he complains endlessly about what a lousy job she's doing, just as we see how truly sexy is her non- intercourse XXx performance.

The other four segments do not live up to Lylith's, just filler for that segment of the hardcore-porn audience that just can't stand watching the old in & out, with or without condoms. It's the same crowd that watches Stroker solo videos, or the Score magazine "tits and tugs" content. So lovelies Stevie Shae, Natasha Starr and the like earn their keep while keeping exposure to STDs to an absolute minimum.

Punchline is that without intercourse and its mandated series of positions that pornographers insist upon, the five scenes come in at a blissfully brief 84 minutes complete, instead of the pushing-3-hours of running time these gonzo efforts often take. I for one am deeply in favor of brevity and conciseness, so give underachiever Barrett one brownie point on the house.