As a fan of dodgy, gonzo oddities from every stripe of cinema, I've seen my share of hard-X flyballs...FORCED ENTRY, HARDGORE, BATPUSSY, and CAFE FLESH, to name just a few. The gay porn undertow, however, seems somewhat lacking in supremely left-field specimens...there's the bizarre THUNDERCRACK!, a deeply dispiriting work of anti-erotica called DO ME EVIL, and the unbelieveable 70s horrorporn SEX DEMON, but no others have come to my attention.
...until recently. A like-minded internet acquaintance asked me if I'd seen a gay porn/romantic musical called ROMEO AND JULIAN, and when I said I hadn't, he insisted that I watch it...RIGHT NOW. I found it with ease online, and boy howdy...I haven't laughed so hard in ages. The syrupy, rosewatered love story at hand is a total nothingburger...lovestruck lonely boy meets man of his dreams, and they hit a few bumps in the road on their way to happilyeverafterland. What makes this a particularly unquantifiable little outlier is the...*ahem*...original soundtrack...a simpering aerosal spray of twee synth-in-a-can melodies which would seem better suited to a low-budget kiddie flick. The performers lipsync, but remain otherwise static...just sitting or standing in place, no random subito dance moves, no expository essay, no sweaty man-on-man dorsal corking...just guys in cutoffs sitting there "singing", interrupted by a few laggard horizontal boppin' scenes that could narcotize a speed freak of the highest octane. It should be noted that there's a lengthy shower scene, possibly the most obvious and open-handed opportunity for a song...and there's no song. NOT EVEN ANY INCIDENTAL MUSIC. Good God, this might be the most embarrassing thing I've ever witnessed, and that quality alone makes it worth a watch. I seriously doubt you'll be touching yourself, aside from covering your ears and facepalming through this non-compos-mentis little bozo-eruption. Seriously...you never had it so good...
