Girl Watchers

The makers of GIRL WATCHERS used the simplest of all-sex formats. By sheer accident, it remains in existence via a DVD-R reissue from Something Weird on Vol. 86 of its Dragon Art Theatre series.

What fills up the running time is merely four unrelated sex scenes, cross-cut in virtually random fashion. No attempt is made to justify the package -it's just storefront cinema filler.

Initial episode (which ends up bookending the film) is a couple having sex in a hotel room, with "Do Not Disturb" sign on the doorknob. They're overdue for the noon checkout time, but far more interested in having some morning hijinks.

Second segment justifies the movie's moniker: construction guys watch a bosomy sweater girl walk past and make the usual rude remarks. One worker gets lucky, but we have to listen to his cornpone buddy voicing over tall (& boring) tales of past conquests.

Part 3 has two guys and a girl on a picnic, when suddenly the guys rape her! This is quite jarring in context, but not to worry -by the next time this segment returns we find her loving it! It would make an interesting master's thesis (and no doubt a difficult one to prove the arguments) to investigate how porn over the years has contributed to the pernicious myth that "no means yes" regarding instances of rape.

Part 4 deals with a woman masturbating as she listens to a lurid TV (might as well be radio since we never see the screen) soap opera titled "Lusty Life" that is more porn than Susan Lucci content. This seemingly unpromising segment turns out to be the film's most erotic (in softcore land) as she rubs a wet banana on her nipple. Later on she succumbs to the needs of XXX content, using a cucumber as dildo.

The sweater girl segment had potential, by casting a woman with amazing breasts (Tina Smith), but she is poorly photographed, nullifying the very reason she was hired in the first place. Film ends logically, if 100% uncreatively, with a closeup of the "Do Not Disturb" sign reversed to read "Make Up Room Early". Yawn.....