Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna was promoted as Karan Johar's most mature work. It's not, and it's actually rather childish in the way it addresses marriage. Look, the combination of comedy and drama, laughs and tears is common in Hindi films, and I like it, but it doesn't work here. The banality of the story couldn't be more contrived or transparent: two couples (Shahrukh and Preity; Abhishek and Rani), in two troubled, unsuccessful relationships; Shahrukh befriends Rani and Preity befriends Abhishek; while Abhishek and Preity become good friends, Shahrukh and Rani clearly want more, which later on grows as expected. The film has a great share of loopholes. First, it is so exhaustingly long, especially for the story it tells. Almost four hours. And considering two hours were just trashy jokes and loud songs, I would've deleted at least one hour of it. While the combination of comedy and drama was handled quite well in Kal Ho Naa Ho, it was overdone here: the comedy was more of a parody, the drama was more of a soap opera. Most of the time the comedy is ridiculous and consistently unfunny. Amitabh Bachchan's affairs with young prostitutes and his pathetic behaviour are not funny at all and are actually very embarrassing. The "Black Beast" sequence should have been deleted, it's one of the most redundant, pathetic and pointless sequences I can imagine. It's just one of many sequences which didn't contribute to the film in any way.
Towards the end of a hardly amusing first half, the comedy ends. And all of a sudden starts the drama. The couples start fighting and insulting each other intensively in what resembles the cheapest of soap operas or sometimes even a very bad school play. An overblown scenery is filled with cheap and cliché "family situations", which are totally unconvincing and everything about them strains credulity. And this supposedly brings to the so-called extramarital affair. Many ask, does Karan Johar really know what marriage is all about? The answer is a definite no, and he's not even smart enough to be able to guess. His approach to the idea or concept of a marriage is shallow and lacking in any depth or critical thinking. As a result, the film in those portions where marital life is put to test, is unrealistic, hard to believe, and just never rings true. Johar's cheesy, theatrical and overly emotional dialogue could be forgiven if the characters weren't wealthy people living in New York 2006 - for your information, they don't speak like this. The music in the background is just completely distracting. I do know people like Hindi films also for their escapist and larger-than-life melodramas, but even in such films, the context is always clear, as opposed to this film which pretends to be a portrait of a marriage which never gels.
Those were the specifics, but what about the basics, like, for instance, the fact that the main characters always bump into each other "coincidentally" in the streets of New York as if it was as small as Chandni Chowk. Moreover, the setting is ridiculously exaggerated - the lavish houses and interiors make no sense, sorry but they don't look like people who could afford them and their financial and social background hasn't been set up well enough to make any of their lifestyle credible. I just kept wondering who are these people! Are they American citizens, or Indians living in America? They speak Hindi and heavily accented English, so they haven't been in the US for long, so what made them move to America? How come recent immigrants are so financially successful? If they were successful back in India, why did they move to the US in the first place? Even the little boy, supposedly US-born, speaks English with a Hindi accent. Does Johar even know that no kid speaks a heritage language better than a dominant societal language, especially English? More than anything, this tendency to choose foreign countries to tell stories of Indians is really getting pathetic. India is such a wonderful, culturally rich country, why go elsewhere?
The acting in this film is roundly average, but no one is to be blamed in particular since the direction, writing and editing are so weak, and the setting and dialogue just keep reducing the desired seriousness of the situations. Shah Rukh Khan, in one of his most unpleasant performances, is irritating for the most part. He can be a great actor when given the right opportunity, but this role is not for him as, worse than just not being good enough, he fails to register its complexity and mostly overacts. There are some scenes where he manages to retrieve his trademark witty style here for a few minutes, but his character is too exaggerated and underwritten to work, and strangely even his charisma is missing! At points one is even left wondering why anyone would fall for him here in the first place. Rani Mukherjee is similarly a major letdown. First, she does not really act, she mostly cries. I mean, she is a waterfall. I think she should learn that displaying grief is not all about tears. And there are far too many tears there. I wonder how much glycerin she used in this film. She seems to not have a clue what it really takes to play her character's inner struggle which is never brought out well; hers is overall a weak act.
Those who really do well are the supporting actors, particularly Preity Zinta, who is excellent as Rhea. Despite a relatively small role (which Johar must be slapped for), she comes across as a strong, serious career woman and is always credible and dignified. She convincingly displays Rhea's tough outside and soft inside, and her gestures and line delivery are spot on. When given the right chance, Abhishek is a revelation, but the chance is limited. His romantic and loving Rishi is a lovely character on paper, much less so within the film's context, but the actor does it relatively well. His dramatic scenes are difficult to play and he partly delivers. As expected, Kirron Kher is spectacular in a brief part. Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna is visually pleasing, partly watchable, and only occasionally entertaining. Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy's soundtrack is fantastic and the songs are beautifully pictured, especially "Tumhi Dekho Naa". The film's ending is overlong, could have been shortened, but worse than that, it shows how morally damaged the entire outlook of the writers is - a story of infidelity is romanticised in a way that really looks peculiar. KANK is a poor film, it is poorly executed, but it does have glipses of Bollywood's unique style, colour and beauty, and that's why I do understand people who are willing to forgive its flaws.
