Kathy: Today we have a very special show for you. It's a full menu of recipes for revenge. We begin with a pig appetiser. Take one schoolyard bully. You know the one, he chased you into the alley behind the butcher's shop, and pushed you into a dumpster full of rotting meat. Let him ripen into a misogynistic jerk, stab quickly, and hang to bleed. Serve with a side of party-crasher entrails. Now we're on to the first course. A little something I like to call the Two Faces of Bitch. You remember that girl you met on the first day of work in your exiting new job? Do you remember how nice you thought she was? You thought she was your friend, but then she stole your ideas and took all the credit. She got a promotion and the fat girl got fired. Take this lying, manipulative hag, butterfly neatly with an axe, wipe your hands, and you're done! Second course, the heart of a whore. This one's a real rib sticker! And all you need is the slut who stole your first real boyfriend, just to prove that she could. She lured him away with her shameless seductions, then dumped him six weeks later when something better came along. Remove her still-beating heart and stuff it into her wide-open mouth. Garnish with her latest conquest, plate and serve. Of course, on this show, we always leave room for desert, because revenge should be sweet. Take one high school crush, who destroyed your feelings of self worth without batting an eye, turn the tables, and serve cold. Mmm! Doesn't that look yummy? Just follow my easy step, and you'll be greeting the New Year with that deep hunger inside of you satisfied... like never before.
