If I Had Legs I'd Kick You

Make no mistake, Rose Byrne puts on a show. Other than that, spend 2 hours elsewhere. The themes of motherhood and anxiety on full display, without lacking any substantial plot or moments of comedic relief certainly not a dark comedy by any stretch of the imagination Completely and utterly fell short.

The narrative primarily centers on motherhood or more accurately, on mothers from all walks of life, striving to provide the best for their children, who selflessly sacrifice anything necessary to ensure their children's safety and well-being, all while juggling their professional, personal, and marital responsibilities.

Yet, their efforts are frequently met with harsh judgment from ignorant men and, at times, even from other ignorant women.

As a result, the suffocating guilt and the anxiety of being labeled a "bad mother" invade their consciousness like a relentless plague. Each day becomes a battle, and every attempt to meet their obligations drains their very will to live and breath, yet they persist, dutifully adhering to their responsibilities because they lack the 'privilege' to pause or take a break without the oppressive weight of stress incessantly looming over them.

The film not only presents these struggles with empathy and intricate detail but also critiques a society that often overlooks the turbulent mental states of mothers; a conversation we all need to engage in more actively by the way.

And all this is shown through Linda, a mother struggling to balance different aspects of her life while providing the "special" care and attention her daughter requires. Enacted exceptionally by Rose Byrne, who happens to command every frame she appears in; her vulnerabilities, fears, and the emotional turmoil that gnaws at her precious sanity are powerfully portrayed on screen.

Undoubtedly a class act!

Let me begin by saying that Rose should get an academy award nomination for this. She was amazing in every way possible. But, this movie was relentless. It was confusing. And above all, an over-the-top negative portrayal of motherhood in the modern era. Add to this the ambiguity of her profession, along with the less than professional relationship with her therapist, and such an irrationally bad job of using any common sense toward her daughter...and you have a mess that left me wishing I could throw Myself in the ocean.

An outstanding film-in fact, the best I saw at this year's Berlinale. Watching it, I couldn't help but feel echoes of The Substance (2024), as it masterfully balances fantasy, horror, and an almost suffocating intensity centred around the theme of motherhood.

*** Rose Byrne delivers a phenomenal performance, one that earned her a well-deserved award in Berlin. The film leans heavily on her presence, and rightly so-her portrayal is what makes the experience so gripping. We see, hear, and feel everything from her perspective, yet that very subjectivity leaves room for doubt. Are we witnessing reality or a distorted, anxiety-fuelled version of it?

*** The cinematography amplifies this tension brilliantly. The use of tight close-ups throughout most of the film creates an unsettling sense of imprisonment, mirroring the protagonist's internal struggle. It's only in some moments of relief that the camera pulls back, giving us fleeting glimpses of the world beyond her immediate perception. This directorial choice not only strengthens the script but also deepens the film's psychological impact.

*** If I Had Legs, I Would Kick You is an immersive, nerve-wracking experience-a must-see that will undoubtedly find its place on many cinephiles lists for the 2025 best movies.

I need to start a list of all the films that have cemented the fact I will never have children. 'If I Had Legs I'd Kick You' would go somewhere near the top. This movie was nightmare fuel.

This is one of those rare movies where there's no real plot or story, and yet you're still captivated by every moment. You need to know what will happen next. And it feels like anything could happen next, which is great feeling.

The final sequence was an interesting one and something I had to do some reading about to fully get my head around. I liked it but it wasn't quite the knockout blow I was hoping the movie would end with.

This is exactly the kind of movie where a Q&A with the director afterwards at Fantastic Fest would be a treat. To get their first hand interpretations on what certain things meant would be priceless.

Overall though I really enjoyed 'If I Had Legs I'd Kick You'. It was unique and it gives you a lot to think about. Throw in some great performances and you have a pretty engrossing couple of hours. 7/10.