Dylan: I didn't wanna do this but I was asked to, so..Louie and Irene.
Louie: Cheers. Thanks, Dylan. Thank you, mate.
Dylan: I love Louie. We all love Louie, yeah? And, um, we are gathered here tonight to memorialise, to adios, as they say, to the man we once knew. A passionate low grade sportsman, only solo, never in a team. He didn't wanna rely on others when he could just fuck things up for himself. Academically, he was notorious for being unremarkable. Louie couldn't say he was smart, you know, he wasn't dumb either. He's just. You're just fucking there, aren't ya? He didn't get invited to many parties either but when he did, he would enjoy laughing at jokes he didn't hear. Fucking stealing people's beers just to pick at the label. Then he'd just leave without saying goodbye to the boys. Uh, but, you know, against all odds, he wasn't embarrassed to be this way, you know. That's how, Louie wanted things. He wanted to hide in plain sight. He had a moderate size porn collection. Haha, wait a minute. I'm joking. Louie doesn't watch any porn.
Louie: Good one, Dylan.
Dylan: You know, as it was, everyone knew Louie like they knew me and Charlie. We came as three. Even when we weren't together. Nah, Charlie was the smart one, I was the funny one and Louie was the nice one. Together we made one interesting person. So, uh, that was that. I like to think Louie and I really came together on two separate occasions. The first time being on Year 10 camp. You know, we went back to the cabin..
Louie: Uh, Dylan, we're not gonna do that story, mate. We can't do that story.
Dylan: Haha, yeah. You're right. Too silly, Louie. Too silly for dinner... The second time was at my house and we went on..
Louie: Dylan, mate. Dylan, Dylan, Dylan, let's just speed this up, hey?
Dylan: Okay. Okay. Okay, Louie. Okay. Okey dokey. What should we talk about then? Mmm? You know sometimes in life, a man's lucky enough to get something that he really wants. You know, like, really get it. And if he doesn't, the next best thing is seeing his best mate get it, so here we are.
Charlie: Yep, here we are.
Dylan: A man of his word.
Charlie: His word indeed.
Louie: Thank you, Dylan. Thank you very much mate.
Dylan: I'm gonna fuck that girl by the end of the night, I promise you both. That's what Louie said to us the first time he saw Irene. Johann's birthday. Party at the beach. Really scenic. Waves. Sand. Seagulls. It was beautiful. Oh, and Louie, he didn't even know who she was but he wanted her. She didn't even know who she was there with, if she was available, but old Louie wanted her. And then Irene got drunk, like really drunk. And Louie was sober. In fact, a clever onlooker might have been able to tell you that old Louie over here was a bit more generous when pouring the drinks for his new best friend Irene than he was when he was pouring those drinks for himself. And in the end, hey! That's the first time Louie fucked Irene. Hey? Or shouldn't I have said that.
