The Fall of the Essex Boys

There have been three films made about this very case, which in my (not so) humble opinion is at least one too many... and this entry may be the straw that broke the dromedary's back. Hamstrung by a tw*t of a narrator who you want to psychically harm ever time he utters a syllable, and full of drug-snorting losers who can only repeat the C and F words ad infinitum, there is no-one here to care about and consequently, zero reason to keep you watching. Of course, this being a 'lads' movie they throw in a strip joint with plenty of gratuitous nudity for the undiscerning, but you can see more in Nuts magazine every week, so why not get a copy of that instead? Just don't bother trying to find it at the Co-op.

The minor pleasures on offer here include a few scenes of ultra-violence perpetuated by our psychotic 'heroes'... at least you can can't accuse these parts of being dull. And, because this film is set in the mid-90's, the attempts at period detail are interesting... from chunky mobile phones to discussing the O J Simpson trial. Such isolated moments however, are overrun by tiresome kn*bs with annoying accents competing with each other to see who can be the biggest idiot. I think I'll declare a draw. And if another movie company decides to do yet ANOTHER version of this oft-told tale, could they do me a personal favour and... forget it? 4/10