On May 13, 1897 when Guglielmo Marconi sent the pioneering wireless message "Are you ready" he surely had no idea the answer would come back over 107 years later as "Chidi Ahanotu." Though radio historians may debate whether the 1938 War of the Worlds broadcast has a greater significance, only one giant mass that first thudded to Earth in a New Jersey field would go on to revolutionize the glamorous world of sports talk radio.
At first glance the man often mistaken for the re-animated corpse of Dom DeLuise and the 5'7" (in flip-flops) Jon "Stugotz" Weiner have little in common. Well, guess who else had little in common: Ray Tango & Gabe Cash, and look how that turned out for the LA drug syndicate in 1989. Unlike Tango & Cash, though, Stugotz has not as yet been arrested despite his decades of scheming including innumerable counts of securities and tax fraud (his radio partner's only known arrest was for playing Ain't That a Shame by Fats Domino one too many times on the tableside jukebox at Johnny Rockets).
However, the titular hosts are not what make "The Show" the biggest thing in the history of radio. That honor belongs to a crew of producers and wide-ranging affiliated friends who are described below (any omissions are due to space constraints).
Guillermo "Billy" Gil: the most impressive thing to pop unexpectedly out of Victoria's Secret since...sorry, phrasing. The King of the Call-Back, just check out his Cameo collection to get a sense of what comedy heights this former pole-vaulter can attain when given room to roam.
Chris Cote: Well known to be the Michael Jordan of laughing in the background, getting a hit off future big-leaguer Matt Latos is buried on page five of his résumé, a résumé he has never needed due to sweet, sweet nepotism.
Roy Bellamy: the brains behind the board, he hears and sees all while acting as the show historian and resident expert on all things 80s-90s films and NHL. His royal proclamations have settled many debates once and for all, not the least of which is the definitive ranking of blue vs. red Doritos.
Mike Ryan Ruiz: the RZA of this Clan, it was often assumed that he never sleeps due to his uncanny ability to speak knowledgeably on virtually any sports or entertainment topic. However, it was confirmed that he has slept at least once after he shared a self-deprecating bedwetting anecdote.
Allyson Turner: gone but not forgotten when she moved north to Bangor, Maine, or at least a New England town starting with a B. She somehow managed to keep bringing in guests despite the occasional cringe-y interview (final Aaron Paul being the low point) whether PPR or non-PPR.
Tony Catalayud: starting to come into his own before the 2021 ESPN departure, hopefully will be back and not just for closure on the romantic storyline with Stugotz.
Domino Foxworthy: a renaissance man capable of both intercepting Donovan McNabb on the field and outsmarting Jerry Jones in the boardroom, this amateur marine biologist (focus on the narwhal) has a cornerback's fearlessness (witness his willingness to talk adult toys on Disney television).
Sarah Portugal: the commish with a penchant for velvet gloves and stalking the owner of the Charlotte Hornets.
Paul Torres: here's the thing-this highfalutin' Harvard man knows the business, whether taking one for the team in furtherance of content by choking down a gas station pickled pig's foot or with an elaborate fake wedding solely to establish a coveted theblacktux sponsorship, he is a genius.
Nina Kimes: another Ivy League egghead willing to do anything for show content, including the world's worst DMX impression and risking her life on a poorly-maintained mall zipline in the land of 10,000 lakes.
Bomani Jones: this man is too good at his job to even choke about it, excuse me, joke about it.
Marty Party Smith: the guy can keep you on the edge of your seat with a riveting tale of a bathroom encounter with NASCAR chief Bill France, Jr. His voice has been scientifically proven to increase levels of joy in the blood.
Amino Acid: don't believe that famous hand-written letter some joker sent to the Clevelander. If analysts of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory were required to wear jerseys his would be the first and only jersey to be retired, and based on his early days as a walk-on standout with Meadowlark Media that jersey would be #69.
Greg Cote: the best thing to happen to Tuesday since Weld (only he would get that reference), he is the show's expert on butt stuff, both Boston and all other kinds.
The Show has made Miami the center of the radio universe to its legions of fans, and with all due respect to the Hakeem Nicks laugh I will end this with what is truly the show's highest honor-Talk to you tomorrow?
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