The title is suggestive, but the contents of "Illicit Affair" are the usual nothingness one expects from the daring! Pure label. This porno equivalent of wallpaper is so long and uneventful that it becomes a challenge to sit through.

Back in the day, so long ago that Jayne Kennedy and Raquel Welch exercise videos were the sort of fodder I reviewed for Variety newspaper, I had an ironclad rule to approximate professionalism, in the transition from theatrical to home viewing. I would watch a video on VHS or Beta and not stop it or fast-forward - attempting to follow the same rules one would observe traditionally in a screening room. But the temptation to go to the kitchen and make a ham sandwich sometimes proved irresistible, and I would return and pick up on the action at the later point, just like a bathroom break at a screening. Stopping and restarting the show would be more fair, but a rule is a rule.

So it goes with junk like "Illicit Affair" -hardly content that anyone, other than on a dare, would subject itself to for two and a quarter hours straight. I managed to notice a pretty if not-too-distinctive (or memorable) model named "Vanessa Decker" (but clearly emanating from the Eastern Bloc so her name should have ended in "ova") appearing in two separate vignettes, and though the action tended toward the Sapphic we have a couple of familiar Euro studs humping away listlessly as well. Dull is too mild an epithet to describe the five sex scenes adequately.

End credits give the show's copyright to "AVN", no, not the mag turned Adult industry awards body but rather some Dutch front organization for the daring! Media porno outfit.