Hibernatus

Hubert de Tartas: You believe yourself to be in 1900, eh? Well no! You are in 1970! Poof! And the North Pole? Does that mean anything to you, the North Pole? The North Pole! You've been frozen for sixty-five years in a block of ice and we only just found you intact two months ago!

Edmée de Tartas: Hubert!

Hubert de Tartas: [Hubert to Edmée] Shut up!

[Hubert to Paul]

Hubert de Tartas: You are not twenty-five, you are ninety! Ninety! And you are the grandfather of your mother, that is to say, of my wife, and her name is not Clementine, her name is Edmée! Edmée! Her name is Edmée! Edmée! Edmée! Edmée! Edmée! Her name is Edmée! Edmée! Edmée! Edmée! Edmée! Edmée! Edmée! Edmée! Edmée! Edmée! Oh, I have things to- Hey! That's not all! That's not all!

[Hubert to the people on the balcony]

Hubert de Tartas: And you, get the hell out of here! So, at the North Pole, you never had a horse accident!

Paul Fournier: No?

Hubert de Tartas: Never! You were shipwrecked! And in the face of death, you were stuffed with whiskey and fell into glycerin. So all that was left to do was to find some ice cream...

Paul Fournier: For the whiskey?

Hubert de Tartas: No! It is thanks to the ice, the whiskey, and the glycerin that you are still with us.

Paul Fournier: Oh good.

Hubert de Tartas: Do not interrupt to say "Oh good!", "Oh yes!", "Blah blah blah"!

[Hubert to the people on the balcony]

Hubert de Tartas: No! Get out of here! Get out of here or I'll kill you!

[Hubert to Paul]

Hubert de Tartas: No! Don't look up there! Look here! Things happened in sixty-five years! Things happened! Things happened! The War of '14! Poof! The War of '40! Poof! The Maxixe, the Mazurka, over! Everything works with electricity! Even guitars work with electricity and all that! How are you? Huh? Are things going well? Hee hee hee hee hee hee! So, tell me- No, look here! Airplanes, how fast do you think they can fly? Come on!

Paul Fournier: They can fly forty?

Hubert de Tartas: My poor little- Two thousand eight hundred kilometers an hour! They have the shape of a cigar and

[Hubert makes the noise of an airplane flying]

Hubert de Tartas: ! Twice the speed of sound! You arrive in New York before you've left Paris! Because of time difference of course!

Paul Fournier: Of course.

Hubert de Tartas: Of course! So what do you think of that?

Paul Fournier: That must use a lot of oil.

Hubert de Tartas: Oil, that's all over! Now it's kerosene! We're waiting for atomic fuel! We're going to get atomic fuel! The atom, the neutrons,

[Hubert makes a sound to represent neutrons spinning]

Hubert de Tartas: . And now, we're going to the moon! We're going to the moon in an insect!

Paul Fournier: An insect?

Hubert de Tartas: Oh yes, an insect module!

[Hubert makes a sound to represent a motor]

Hubert de Tartas: An insect module! Men go crazy! Go crazy! Men go crazy!

[Hubert hums a strange melody]

Hubert de Tartas: Men go crazy! Men go crazy! And I feel like I'm going crazy! Edmée! Edmée! Edmée! Edmée! Edmée! Edmée! Edmée! Edmée! Edmée!

Edmée de Tartas: Hubert!

Hubert de Tartas: I told him everything!