The Danish Connection

Porno filmmaker Bob Chinn is the basis for Burt Reynolds' Boogie Nights character, and is responsible for popularising the long-running Johnny Wadd series starring `Big' John Holmes. In one of the earliest Johnny Wadd superdick adventures, Chinn is reduced to an oriental cutout supporting role for director Walt Davis, but The Danish Connection delivers everything Dirk Diggler promised - sh*thouse dialogue from crinkle-cut Holmes delivered with all the charisma of Chuck Norris, and the fighting prowess of a cheese sandwich. An impotent businessman with a yen for his secretary hires Johnny's partner Eric Jensen (Rick Cassidy) to find an elusive hard-on formula from Denmark. But Johnny Wadd, missing and presumed dead in Hawaii, is also on the case! He gets captured by the Chinese, who torture him endlessly with sex for the location of the formula, but Johnny won't budge.

I suspect the film was made earlier than 1974 as 1) The film may date from the earlier pairings of Holmes, director Davis and producer Manuel Conde (1970's Sex Psycho, 1972's Evil Come Evil Go), and 2) The French Connection was released in 1971, and porn producers making parodies don't usually have a good long-term memory. Besides, later Wadds (China Cat, Jade Pussycat) are more porno than action and are nowhere near as hopelessly inspired as this. According to the Ballad of Big Bad John, `he's got a head that he uses, and his meat is Grade A'. Right on, John.