To Shave and Shave Not

Pardon the pun, but this awful porn-parody is an embarrassment. Clearly aimed at wimpy fetishists, it's much worse than necessary.

The only suspense as each girl in the cast is duly pussy-shaved with a cheap gillette throwaway razor is how Lauren Bacall's immortal sexy line of dialogue will be adapted to the pussy fetish instead of smooching.

The asinine dialogue is recited deadpan, with even the usually outgoing Jonathan Morgan reduced to monotone recitation. He plays the captain of a charter boat who just hangs around watching people at a bar in some far eastern place, though the entire movie is shot indoors with zero exotic atmosphere. Steve Hatcher is cast as a sort of local dictator named Inspector Jacques Picard, who enforces the island's prime law: no shaving or trimming of pussy hair. Every sex scene begins with that law being violated.

The femme cast is unimpresisive, though Tina Tyler shows up under her "married name" of Tina Tedeschi (Tony is not in this movie, however).

If at the end you deduce that the filmmakers are suffering from brain damage, to quote Ed McMahon: "You are correct, sir!".