Dark Town

What do you get when you throw in "Leprechaun in da hood" minus the leprechaun and mixing in vampires that are pretty fang-less, and adding a pinch of lesbians for no good reason other than to have lesbians in the mix (I'll bet dollars to donuts that the producers dictated that they be in there somewhere)? Well i'll tell you what you get. Pure unadulterated crap. Not even good crap, the kind you could enjoy if properly inebriated. But the kind of filth that is just hard to watch on account of the overly melodramatic acting, loopy stunted dialog, and illogical storyline. Notice how I didn't particularly go into the plot line of this putrid number. There's a reason for that, this being that I'd rather not think back on this wasted hour and a half that I will NEVER get back from my life no matter how hard I try. And the sad thing is that there actually are worse movies dealing with vampires out there. And that, my friend, is a sad state of affairs indeed.

Where I Saw it: Starz on Demand

Eye Candy: Janet Martin, Claire Mills, Ariana Fronti, and Meghan Stansfield all get topless

My Grade: F

Dark Town (2004) was a big surprise for me. I was at the local mega chain video store looking for some bad movies. When I put this one into the D.V.D. player I was in for a surprise. The movie impressed me. Not only was it different, but the film makers used the most out of their small budget and made it work. But the movie could have been better. Even with it's minor flaws, the movie was a lot more entertaining than the crap that's in the movie theater.

A group of people from different backgrounds encounter a strange undead being. This Eastern European creature has the ability to create vampiric zombie beings. These creature feed on blood and gore of their unlucky victims. A slum lord is possessed by the creature who decides to visit his dysfunctional family. Several black youths who have a bone to pick with the Slum lord go cruising into his neighborhood and come face to face with something that they could have never imagined meeting. Will these kids fight the evil entity? Can his family stave off their thirsty father? Who or what is behind this undead creature? How will they fight it? Who will survive? To find out the answer these questions you'll just have to watch DARK TOWN. A different kind of horror film that aims to please.

Not a bad low budget horror film. I was impressed and you might be as well.

Okay, this isn't the greatest vampire film ever made, but it does have something. Though the early part of the story seemed very unfocused, it did draw all the strings together to create a film that was satisfying, one whose characters did interest me. What I found most refreshing was that the people were people I could relate to--a middle class family and kids who loiter on street corners. The story wasn't typically clichéd, leaving me waiting eagerly to see what happened next. I also liked how free will and self-control emerge as the film's message. I'd almost suspect that this film inspired the new television Moonlight series.

This is an unusual movie to say the least. We'll start with the bad: the acting's pretty spotty, the plot mostly incoherent, the film stock sort of cheap looking. The editing, especially, is bad.

But there's a lot going on here, and some of it calls into question the border between bad film and high art. Have you ever had an incoherent nightmare? One which followed no plot, but which seemed to telegraph events, characters, and ideas to you? Parts of this film can be summed up as such: "I was in my house with my family, and for some reason we were celebrating a birthday. But there was a blackout, and then when my dad showed up, he was a acting strange. Then there were these gangsters..." And throughout there is a lingering since of doom, no escape from the vampires/zombies.

It's hard to say how intentionally the director is reaching beyond purely escapism. But I think 'Dark Town', although overall not a success, is better horror than 'Urban Legend', 'I Know What You Did...', 'Wrong Turn' or any other number of teen slashers, if more for the ideas than for the execution.

A callous slumlord brings a vampiric infection home to his dysfunctional suburban family on the same night that some of his tenants show up to teach him a lesson. Much bloodshed ensues. When someone asks me to a recommend a genuinely entertaining low budget, straight-to-video gore fest, this is one of the few that gets the nod. Director Desi Scarpone and writer David Birke manage to deliver some genuine humor and chills in this film. It is energetic, nervy, and often gratuitous – in both gore and nudity. The father is a fun character who revels in his corruption and evil. He's one of the few memorable characters I've seen in a recent DV horror film. Is this film for all tastes? No. Is it a shining example of film-making? No. Is it always coherent? No. But let's face it, if you're reading this review, you must already be a fan of bad horror films. You could certainly do worse than this.