After a group of researchers discovers a mummy in the Amazon who proves to have lived to an age of at least 300--he had some physiological peculiarities--a "big, evil corporation" sends a handful of scientists back to Amazonia to search for a tribe of Methulselahs. They end up with Stephen Baldwin as a guide, which is good news if you like the Baldwins (I do) but probably a reason to avoid the film otherwise, and they end up discovering a tribe associated with a multi-headed "snake god", which really exists (in the film) and which enjoys eating people after it dismembers them.
My rating for this film is something of an average. Being in the mood for some abecedarianism, I gave Snake King an A for aeffort when it comes to gore (if I can be allowed to spell "effort" like "aesthetics"; maybe I should give it an "A for attitude" instead), a B for Baldwin, a C for the clichés, a D for da story, and an F for most of the other aspects, like the cgi, the native costumes and makeup, the lack of suspense, and so on. That averaged out to a D for me, or a 6.
The biggest problem is that the story just isn't that interesting, and director Allan A. Goldstein doesn't seem to mind. Although the discovery and search for the exact source of a practical, scientific "fountain of youth" could have promise, what we get instead is a very pedestrian film that couldn't care less if every dramatic situation is by the numbers. In fact, the editing (both the literal film editing and the "flow" or construction of the script) is so bad that the clichés were probably welcomed--they help viewers fill the missing exposition in for themselves.
But the final result is that Snake King is almost entirely devoid of suspense. For most of the characters, you just do not care what happens to them. Most you want to die in the jaws of the snake--and soon--so the film can end already, before it gets any worse. Eventually it gets so bad that the climax, and particularly the dénouement, are pretty hilarious. There is a romance angle in the last few moments that comes out of nowhere. It's even funnier because characters stop to make googly eyes and kiss while ignoring the fact that one of them may be bleeding to death. But most of the film isn't "so bad it's good", whether Goldstein may have been shooting for that or not. Most of it is just bad.
For a sci-fi channel film, there is little sci in this sci-fi (which arguably, is not unusual). The actual goal is merely to have a film showing a cgi snake mauling explorers 10 Little Indians style, and the real motivation for setting the film in Amazonia is to avoid the cost of building sets. Since the film takes place in the jungle, and some of the crew must be big Predator (1987) fans, they figure what better opportunity to give our antagonist Predator vision (minus the computer displays). Like everything else, this effect has all the impact of a greased cotton ball smashing through steel.
Even though the mauling scenes look more like an early 1990s video game, I have to give the filmmakers credit for trying to amp up that aspect. There is no shortage of severed limbs, decapitations, or bodies cut in half. There could have been a bit more blood in the film for my tastes (I'm no champion of bloodless horror, although I don't necessarily mind it). But the more visceral aspect of the film was nice, especially for a made for television film.
Although most of the cast wasn't much to speak of--some of them are obviously present just as snake food--I like Stephen Baldwin, as I like all of the Baldwin brothers. I'm a fan of camp. No matter what the Baldwin brothers do, they can't help but radiate camp. My only complaint is that Baldwin should have had an even bigger part. But the prominent "evil scientist", played by Larry Day, was just as fun to hate as Baldwin was fun to watch being campy.
Of course, it's difficult to buy any character as being the kind of person who would have the job or social role that they have in the film, including the natives, who have some fairly ridiculous makeup and costumes on (in the main tribe, all of the women are wearing bikinis for some odd reason). There was also a subplot about other explorers, including one who adopts a tribal way of life (played by Greg Evigan). The subplot is never explored/explained very well, so those characters remain more of a mystery.
If you dislike predictability, you should steer far clear from this film. In addition to the 10 Little Indians and monster movie clichés (you just know what kind of big confrontation there will be in the climax, and so on), there are the typical "big, evil corporation" clichés. Given the basic elements, most IMDb users could probably construct the rest of the script for themselves.
Still, I can't say that I had no fun watching Snake King, and I'd even consider picking up the DVD if I could get it for less than, say, $2. So it isn't a complete failure, but it's awfully close.
