Okay, look. Right from the start - literally, from the moment this begins - it is extraordinarily brusque, tawdrily fast-paced, and astonishingly plainspoken. These qualities are reflected in the direction, in the editing, in the acting, in the plot development, and by Jove, even in the opening credits. From the outside looking in the premise sounds fun; as soon as we press "play" the question becomes "how could this possibly be any fun?" I genuinely think there are some good ideas here, but in every capacity - including dialogue, scene writing, cinematography, and costume design, and even the music - the proceedings come across as pointedly scattered, hopelessly blunt and forthright, and indisputably tactless. I can overlook a low budget, and I can forgive inexperience; indeed, this was the first full-length feature of writer and director Mark Vadik. Not every issue can be excused with these allowances, however. The characters wholly lack intelligence; the sound design is bizarrely uneven; the nudity and sexuality are so perplexingly, transparently, emptily gratuitous that it's fair to wonder if Vadik couldn't make up his mind as to whether or not this should have been a parody. Folks, 'The thirsting' is not good.
Almost nothing comes off well. For as much as The Asylum is recognized for the low-grade fare it churns out, they have nothing on the total rubbish put out by the likes of Justice For All Productions, Screenager Productions, or especially Uncork'd Entertainment. Whatever point of reference one favors, this 2007 movie neatly fits the bill, if in slightly different ways. At least the fundamental image is less glaringly, painfully bare-faced and untreated than what fare from the latter companies often represents, but if you think that's a meaningful point in favor of Vadik or anyone else involved, I implore you to watch any other film. I think the cast are earnestly trying to make what they can of Vadik's direction and the material, but there's little that they can do with it. Meanwhile, though the thoughts that 'The thirsting' plays with had the potential to make for playfully sinister entertainment, in the details of the writing and absolutely in its execution the picture is so bewilderingly feeble, halfhearted, and unconvincing that there's just no significant value to be found. From the very, very beginning the conglomeration is dull and dubious, and that some elements manage to be actively aggravating (e.g., a vagrant in the woods) is simply not the way to add spice.
I don't know how Mickey Rooney came to be involved here, but sir, I am so, so terribly sorry. Just so profoundly sorry. Very notably, for as much as the pacing rushed at the outset, there comes a point where everything just drags interminably. In fairness, as the length advances it does seem more apparent that Vadik, too, was giving film-making a sincere effort, and cinematic storytelling. Would that those glimmers of honesty weren't controverted by the most schlocky and indulgent of impulses; would that more care had been exercised in any manner. I repeat that this really does boast some great ideas, and some odds and ends irregularly come off better than others, or broadly better than not. Yet the end result utterly lacks any spark of vitality to make anything count, and far more than not 'The thirsting' is so sadly weak that the title just falls flat. I'm glad for those who get more out of it than I did, though I don't know how they manage to do so. Still, when all is said and done - whatever it is that you think you're going to get out of this, you're better off looking elsewhere. What 'The thirsting' has to offer can be found elsewhere in more substantial quantities, and without all the sludge that comes along with it. Sigh.
