Teenape Goes to Camp

Chris Seaver's not-so-well-thought-out, yet priceless LBP flicks are either for hating, or in my case, for loving passionately. If you demand that "normal" Hollywood pattern that far too many of us do, then these films will either bore you, or get you all riled up. But if you can't get enough Troma, or old school John Waters, then you might have found yourself a new favorite B-movie director. To me, The short but sweet, vulgar/wacky/witty films of Chris Seaver represents everything that has been good and true about cult cinema over the last 40-something years. Seaver proves, again and again that $80 Million isn't necessary to create worthwhile entertainment, or in some cases, not even $8,000. I would even go so far as to say that Chris Seaver is the great B-director of this decade.

The legendary Teenape is back, and this time, he's ditching the pirate suit, and heading to camp (a park) after being offered a job as a counselor by Heather Bociladochi, of all people. The reason for the job offer isn't made clear, but Teenape thinks he can at least get some action out of the deal. So, now Teenape, Heather and Their pal, ProudFoot have to teach a bunch of brain-damaged rejects how to do stuff, although, I'm not really sure what that means.

Bubbles: Possibly even less of a person than Teenape. Not sure what he is exactly. Some kind of stereotype, I take it. Bubbles gets high a lot.

Honey: Only remotely normal person in the movie, not to say she is normal.This chick is just asking for it, and Teenape is gonna give it to her.

Izzy: Not sure what her deal is. Probably brain damage. Possibly a product of incest. Who needs a boyfriend when you have a Marge?

Marge: Izzy's "friend". Played by the hilarious/beautiful Jesse Ames. Izzy's "friend". I'm thinking Down-Syndrome for this one.

Jimbo: Played by Josh "Caspian" Suire, probably the funniest LBP player of them all. Jimbo just wants to get laid. Tough luck, little fella.

Guy with sword: I have no idea.

As if things couldn't get more inconvenient for Teenape, his arch-rival has arrived, that's right, folks, it's Choach!! Heather also hired the new A-list celebrity to help out. Can Teenape and Choach put their intense hatred for one another aside for the good of the Camp (park)? With such slim pickin's for ladies, I highly doubt it.

So, it's like this. After years and years of B-movie collecting, I was just recently introduced to the splendor of LBP after viewing Terror At Blood Fat Lake. I've never hated a film so much in all my days. half a dozen viewings later, and it became clear that I have stumbled upon not only a masterpiece, but an entire universe of low-budget awsomeness. I other words, Seaver has directed nearly 40 films now, a lot of which, filmed in 2 days. After my discovery, I knew what I had to do... Own every available Chris Seaver film as quickly as possible. At the time, purchasing Mulva: Zombie Ass Kicker seemed like the next logical step in my eternal quest for B-movie bliss. After my Mulva experience, I wasn't quite sure what to think, and quite frankly, I'm still not. Now that I've finally decided to continue my LBP journey (despite Mulva) and give this one a try, it's official, my LBP obsession lives on.

If you appreciate the outlandishness, and lack of realism of the films of Lloyd Kaufman, the sleaziness, and vulgar rants of the films of John Waters, the notoriously low-budgets, and production time of the films of Ray Steckler, and the ironic inside jokes of the films of Kevin Smith, then you've finally found what you've been looking for. All those roads lead to LBP. For more of the Teenape-Choach rivalry, check out Carnage for the Destroyer, and for proof that Chris Seaver is who I say he is, check out Wet Heat. Low Budget Pictures is so ridiculous that it's completely genius. They will either make you angry, or leave you in a teary-eyed stupor, possibly even both. Thankyou Chris Seaver, thank you for making B-movie collecting exciting again. 10/10