The Astrologer

"Look at this, my cosmic mirror." "Haha! How in the world did you get that?" "It's all mine."

Not to be confused with James Glickenhaus' THE ASTROLOGER (1975), this is an insane vanity feature by one-and-done director-star Craig Denney. Craig stars as Craig, a carnival psychic who reaches Charles Foster Kane levels of success over the course of 78 minutes. We follow his journey as he becomes a successful gem smuggler in Africa and Tahiti to a successful TV psychic to a successful US military asset to a successful filmmaker (naturally, the film he makes is called The Astrologer) to successful adulterer shooter. Denney packs the film with some truly bizarre montages, convoluted lunar astrology reports, and, of course, lots of shots of Denney trying to look hunky. The latter is particularly hard because he looks like a miniaturized Jim J. Bullock. It is the perfect feature for the A. D. D. Crowd because if you don't like one plotline, just wait five minutes and Denney will be onto something new.