I cannot rate this higher because it is the most accurate and therefore opposite of fun and entertaining thing I have seen in recent memory.
Anyone who watches this with significantly negative feedback obviously does not have anxiety or OCD. It is boring to watch for those who cannot relate; maybe even seem overdone. I assure you, it is not. If anything, for the most serious cases, it censors the most embarrassing types of compulsions, obsessions, and rituals. For me, being one that can sadly relate, this was extremely difficult to watch because it was quite triggering, making me think about my own obsessions and rituals. So maybe even as a little ERP (Exposure Response Prevention), I had to watch this in little short bits over time, otherwise I would be flooded with anxiety I could not cope with. Am I ashamed to admit how pathetic this is? Yes. Have I done, do I continue do, many illogical compulsions and rituals every damn hour of every day that are far more embarrassing, that I am not admitting to my own consciousness, to my friends, let alone in a public forum? Yes, yes, and yes.
If this seems campy or weirdly horror like, that is because it is. I promise you that the darkest things our brains can do in real life are far more frightening than any made up horror film.
I do not have the cleaning subtype, but this is scarily accurate, in so far as the desperation, the madness you feel knowing what you are doing is madness, the utter panic; the fact that anyone else watching you would likely think some very unkind things about you, when all you are is a girl with a unbelievably powerful mental disorder that will not go away. No matter what you do. Indeed, the more you forcefully try to make it go away, the more serious it actually becomes, to "make up" for any deficiencies.
And how alone you inevitably are, you and your disorder. Because you might have many loved ones who want with all their hearts to save you; to rescue you from this pain, but there is little they can do when your OCD rules your every thought and what feels like every cell in your body. You can try to let in love for others, you can accept love, but at the end of the day, you know who you are really married to for life.
So you do the only thing you can, when suicide is not an option. You continue pushing through another second, another minute, another hour, another day, another year.
And the ending was unfortunately the most relatable thing of all. Because your one victory is equivalent to everyone else's, well, breathing. And about a thousand times easier to lose than it is the win. Because the thoughts don't go away, and despite the many victories you thought you had. Then, suddenly, it is ten years later, twenty years later, you are still alive, but you don't know how, and it's all been a nightmare. And you are still in it. Stuck. No way out. The credits might roll, but for us sufferers, the horror continues. Relentlessly.
#0CD #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness.
