Massage School Dropouts

Jessica Drake and Brad Armstrong are not only the longest-running contract talent working for Wicked Pictures, but generally can be counted on for quality product delivered on a schedule that should satisfy even the horniest porn fancier. But they also grind out junkers to fulfill their contract work quotas, and this paean to the Oiler genre is one of their worst.

It concerns a team of five prostitutes who operate a high-priced out-call massage service that is not really about whoring but rather skinning the male clientele of their cash and valuables after the money shot is delivered. I wanted to interpret this uncredited screenplay as another of those many XXX mea culpas about the similarity (for sex workers) of prostitution to the career of an Adult film performer, but Brad or whoever wrote this junker doesn't even provide enough depth for that interpretation.

Instead we are supposed to believe that the prostie/masseuses' taping of sex with a client is enough to support instantly successful blackmail that prevents the chumps from going to the authorities and reporting the crime. This unconvincing premise even has the director Brad himself as a victim, dallying for a bargain rate of $500 per girl for a threesome with two of the whores and then gets punched out by Katrina Jade. Brad's over- the-hill status as an aging porn stud is no picnic to watch, but I enjoyed seeing him get manhandled, perhaps a ploy to win over some audience sympathy. He should have hired an able-bodied young stud to do the sexual honors instead.

The gals are predictably rounded up as a result of a sting operation, but it's strictly dullsville for over two hours until this hasty conclusion. Crap like this merely enhances the Dark Side's argument for the end of story-line porn (alas!) in an era where all-sex and gonzo have clearly won the hearts and minds of younger generations of porn addicts. For Brad and Jessica that would spell early retirement.