- Lieutenant Columbo: I sometimes have a silly effect on people. You know what I mean, just being a police lieutenant. You know, uh... At least I hope that's why.
- Lieutenant Columbo: [to Lucerne] That's brilliant, sir. That's very impressive. No wonder you solve more crimes than I do, sir.
- Ward Fowler: I couldn't help wondering why, with all the money that Ward Fowler makes, he could owe Claire Daley that much, and then it hit me.
- Lieutenant Columbo: Uh, what hit you, sir?
- Ward Fowler: Coffee?
- Ward Fowler: Is there anything that doesn't bore you, Clare?
- Clare Daley: Mm-hm. Silver Certificates. I would paper my bedroom with them if I could.
- Ward Fowler: I wouldn't put it past you.
- Clare Daley: Where would you put it?
- Clare Daley: [to Ward Fowler] You wouldn't make a murderer. Not even a sympathetic one. That much personality you don't have.
- Lieutenant Columbo: How does a smart man like Lieutenant Lucerne make a mistake like THAT?
- Ward Fowler: Because you're not talking to Lieutenant Lucerne at the moment, are you, Lieutenant? You're talking to Ward Fowler.
- Lieutenant Columbo: Well, what's the difference, sir?
- Ward Fowler: The difference is Ward Fowler's under suspicion of murder, and a man under that kind of threat is... apt to make mistakes. He's apt to get rattled.
- Lieutenant Columbo: Well, who ever said anything about Ward Fowler being under suspicion of murder?
- Ward Fowler: Lieutenant Lucerne did.
- Lieutenant Columbo: He did? Well, how did he come to that conclusion, sir?
- Sid Daley: Partners? That was on paper, Lieutenant. Clare fought me on everything. She had to have things done her way. If I'd say white, she'd say black. All you gotta do is take a look at this new Ward Fowler contract. Paying an actor that kind of money is... insanity.
- Lieutenant Columbo: Now wait a minute... let me get this straight. Are you saying you didn't want to pay him that money?
- Sid Daley: I think they should have turned him down. I think he would have folded. and Clare argued me right under the table. I was an idiot for giving in... now if the show takes a dip, they'll drop it.
- Lieutenant Columbo: I still don't understand. You and your wife were partners. Now isn't it to her best interest not to give him all that money?
- Sid Daley: In anything involving Ward, she always took his side.
- Lieutenant Columbo: You know Tony, sir. He's the one...
- Ward Fowler: If you tell me that one more time, I'm gonna kill myself.
- Lieutenant Columbo: I mean, a girl that you're gonna marry is much more apt to provide an alibi than a gofer.
- Ward Fowler: Mark, for God's sake would you stop it! This isn't one of the shows. This actually happened. Clare's - - Clare's dead. Now will you take that soup and get out of here. I can't take any more of it. Will you get out of here!