Stephanie and I joined our friends, Mr. and Mrs. Shade, in a game of "let's test our threshold of pain" as we got together to watch the malodorous waste of celluloid known as "Killing Streets." As soon as Lorenzo Lamas appeared on screen with a HORRIBLY FAKE Southern accent we knew it was go time. "Whatchu doin' here, boyeee?" The moment he uttered his first line all four of us burst out in laughter. It was beautifully awful.
I must say this is one of the best "high school basketball coach travels to Lebanon to save his twin brother" movies I've ever seen. Oh wait, it's the only movie of that nature I've ever seen. Can you believe it?
I'm sorry to say that my plot description is completely accurate and not a figment of my imagination. This movie is all about originality! Honestly, how many other movies can you name that involve a high school basketball coach and his Lebanese cab driver taking on a huge armed-to-the-teeth terrorist group? What's that? You can't think of any? Yeah, that's what I thought.
I could go on and on about the aimless action, the stupid car chases, the implausibility of it all, the one-note "lead" actress whose function is to make out hot and heavy with the hero, but it'd be a waste of our time. I think a description of the end of the movie will sum up everything quite nicely:
One of the terrorists is holding a grenade in one hand and Paré twin #1 in the other. All of a sudden we hear the sound of a basketball being dribbled in slow motion. You read that right; there is actually an "action" movie out there that uses a dribbled basketball as a dramatic sound effect. Paré twin #1 then drops to the ground and Paré twin #2 blows away the terrorist. When Paré twin #1 asks Paré twin #2 how he knew which way he'd duck, Paré twin #2 (the basketball coach) responds with, "In basketball you always fake left and go right." Yeah.
THE GIST
If you're a masochist that, for some unknown reason, likes movies about high school coaches literally outsmarting a whole country full of Lebanese terrorists, then you might actually enjoy this movie. Otherwise, this is strictly for bad movie marks who want to get four or more friends together and create their own Mystery Science Theater episode.
