Lord of the Cockrings

I think the theme of this film was poorly abstracted and I was thoroughly disappointed at this fact. Where were all the battles of Hobbits, men and elves? Wtf? Lots of dicks out and lots of vaginas. I watched this with my kids. Now they are traumatized. I was just trying to show them middle earth. Instead, I saw a bunch of buttholes. Why was this film made? As an introduction to Tolkiens fantasies, this was nowhere near what I envisioned spending time with my son and two daughters would be. Overall, I am mortified at the level of sodomy going on in his books. I never realized Tolkien was such a pervert... Wow. I am so confused.