Dark Metropolis

Wow. The only good thing I can say about this movie is that I didn't pay anything to watch it. Just...wow. one of the great tragedies of all time is that Roger Ebert apparently didn't review it before he died; he could supply redemption to truly loathsome films with his slicing wit.

I wish I could come up with something devastatingly witty to say about this movie, but words nearly fail me. It must've had a strong sponsorship from some kohl manufacturer; the actors & actresses all look as if someone passed out pairs of binoculars with the eyepieces heavily slathered with black paint.

The acting is beyond bad, hitting new depths of atrociousness; wooden & ludicrous. Of course, the script is abominable so it's not as if they had anything to work with. It makes no sense. It cuts randomly from scene to scene, with no rhyme or reason.

This is one of those movies that's so bad that not even the geniuses at MST3K could've made watching it worthwhile, even at their very best.

To paraphrase Monty Python, this is not a movie for watching: this is a movie for laying down & avoiding.