The Caretaker

On and on this film went, long past the point where I cared about it, until a sort of numbness crept in, where you really start to notice the world around you in your front room. Like: When was the last I hoovered the floor, or that wonky picture needs to be straightened. In the end, I just fidgeted around on my phone, as the lifeless (no pun intended there) characters met their respective fates and the ordeal was over. If the fact that I had more than one eye off the screen during the last 40 minutes means you ignore my review, then so help me... I don't give a hoot.

It's just a badly written, wretchedly edited, poorly acted piece of... dung which is NEVER scary, about from the implied idea that it was worth releasing in this condition. There is not one aspect of it which is worthwhile, and the only reason I haven't scored it less is when I compare it to some of the VERY worst horror movies I've seen, it's not QUITE as horrendous as that. This is hardly a recommendation, though. Steer well clear. 2/10