Night Train to Terror is a crazy mess of a movie. The framing story for this anthology involves God and Satan sitting on a train together discussing various cases, each of which form the different segments of the movie. As far as set ups for these kind of anthologies go it's not too bad a premise. Needless to say it is done in an at times jaw-droppingly cheesy manner. It wasn't long into it that I began to suspect the truth about the nature of this anthology. Namely, that the makers had grabbed a bunch of old movies and edited them down to 20-30 minutes and used them as segments of this anthology. The wraparound material is as cheesy as all hell and the three movies, each wacky, sleazy or goofy in their own right become concentrated slices of nonsensical shlock in their truncated forms. There seems to be no logic to their inclusion in the anthology in their current states. The three movies from which they are apparently culled- Scream Your Head Off, Death Wish Club and Shivers (Aka. Cataclysm, Satan's Supper or The Nightmare Never Ends) are connected by writer Philip Yordan, who scripted all three, although Director John Carr was responsible also for the first two segments. Presumably they needed to make a quick buck of their own material (The movie from which the first segment was taken apparently never got a proper release other than a bootleg copy years after) and quickly put together the wraparound material. As it is none of the movies seems particularly well suited to being truncated in the form they are, with far too much going on. As such, none of the segments makes too much sense even with the clumsy narration to smooth over the plot holes and each is dementedly paced and edited. They don't even fit very well with the wraparound material. The supposedly main characters whose deeds are meant to be judged by God and Satan have increasingly little to do in each segment, with more time spent on the other characters in each story. The makers did make sure it seems to include all the gore, violence, sleaze and wacky SFX shots that they could from each movie though in favour of having a movie with any coherence.
In the first segment, the case of Harry Billings, the pacing of the story makes it seem more like an extended trailer than an actual movie. The plot, which is far too much for a short anthology segments whizzes through at a demented, frenetic pace and most scenes don't last for more than about thirty seconds to a minute. There are numerous and repetitive sequences of Harry picking and drugging women, them being strapped down and chopped up at the clinic which last for about 40 seconds each. There are also a whole bunch of subplots that hurdled through at breakneck speed. As it is the movie these parts are taken from seems to be a dodgy exploitive piece mostly centering around the death and dismemberment of young woman.
The second segment, the case of Gretta Connors is probably even goofier involving a young man who falls in love with a porn star getting forced into joining 'death-wish club',a group of decadent types who like to put themselves in outlandish dangerous situations involving elaborate death traps and killer insects. Effectively elaborate games of Russian roulette, whch they get a kick out of. This segment is even more disjointed than the last with even more of the plot being explained by the narrator, who in fact talks over characters at various points in the story. It is probably the most interesting of the segments with the elaborate death traps and the wacky premise.
The third and final segment is the case of Claire Hansen. It was watching this segment it was confirmed for me that Night Train to Terror was using condensed versions of existing shlock films as I had actually seen the full version of the film in question before. The plot is too messy and sprawling, with too many threads to go into much detail. I seem to recall that was the case with the full-length version and it is even more choppy and all over the place in its truncated form. Even in its shortened form this last segment drags a bit, despite the wacky nature of the story but there are some good aspects such as the the demonic villain Olivier, the Claymation demons and the over the top finale which involves a bloody open heart surgery.
For some reason the discussions of God and Satan are inter-cut with music clips from a very eighties pop group who are performing in another part of the train. Apparently the train is going to crash at dawn and God and Satan are discussing who will get the souls of the performers when it happens- the segments they watch in-between are apparently just a way for them to kill time. The music clips are incredibly cheesy and involves all that you would expect from bad eighties pop- big hair, leg warmers, halter tops, synthesisers, shoulder pads, mullets, headbands, gratuitous break-dancing and deeply cheesy and nonsensical lyrics.
On the whole, a weird little curiosity.
