Roger Wilco: CAPTAIN'S LOG SCS SXCALIBUR, STARDATE 2709.67 FLEET ADMIRAL ROGER WILCO COMMANDING: The Excalibur is on course to investigate the mysterious disappearance of several ships in the uncharted region of space known as the "Menudo Triangle." I no doubt have been selected for this mission due to my great achievements as a military leader and matchless diplomatic skills.
Roger Wilco: I go forward with total confidence in my ship and my crew, yet I am vaguely uneasy... I cannot put memories of traveling to the future and meeting my son out of my mind. Each night my dreams are haunted by the image of the woman he said would one day be my wife. I know she's out there... Somewhere...
Roger Wilco: But that's not important right now. The fate of trillions rides on the decisions I may have to make in the next several hours. As Captain of the Star Confederacy's proudest flagship I must follow the Supreme Guideline: To Boldly go where no man has... No, no, no! To Bravely traverse where no creature has traversed... Hmm... That's not it. Aww... Skip it.
[Then Roger Wilco shows up sitting in his chair]
Hologram Assistant: Admiral! Strike ships coming in at point three-five!
[the spaceship is under attack and the Alert screen flashes]
Roger Wilco: Shields up! Battle stations! Lock weapons!
Hologram Assistant: Neutron beams locked. Proton torpedos armed.
Roger Wilco: Tactical, fire neutron beams! Helm, hard to port!
[Then the ship gets him from a fire blaster. Suddenly Captain Quirk interrupts the holodeck program and appears on the video phone]
Captain Quirk: Cadet Wilco! What in the name of the seventh star cluster are you doing in the bridge simulator? Get your sorry carcass out of there and get back to class where you belong, Space Cadet! And if I catch you in there again without permission, I'll have you tossed out of the Academy so fast you'll get warp disorientation!
[Then the message Simulation Terminated shows up and the Holodeck spaceship is shut down. The door opens and Roger climbs out of the Spaceship Simulator. The rodents runs away]
Narrator: His illusions of spacefaring grandeur cruelly shattered by Captain Quirk, Roger Wilco exits from the bridge simulator into the hallways of the Star Confederacy Space Academy, where he has enrolled himself in an attempt to realize his life-long dream of becoming a Starship Captain. The last several months have not been easy for our hero, what with having to juggle time between skipping classes, snoozing through lectures, and spending long moments considering the implications of actually opening a textbook.
Narrator: But our fearless former sanitation engineer has stumbled resolutely past these obstacles, pursuing his goal with unwavering determination; blissfully unaware that fate was about to hurl another spitball in his direction.
[Roger Wilco walks out of the Spaceship Simulator room]