Grand Theft Nuru

The pornographers at Fantasy Massage are well aware of the limitations of their Nuru Massage gimmick -no amount of icky gel from Japan can hide that fact. So we have this subpar DVD of three vignettes including the title scene.

Thief is petite Coco Lovelock, clearly the most underage looking of all porn starlets on the current scene. (For the all-important record, she's 23 while looking about 15.) We hear police sirens in pursuit as she runs into a massage parlor, mistaken by owner Kayla Paige as a trainee late for her test.

Coco is glad to fake it as a masseuse, though stumped by the specialty -that Nuru full-body massage using imported Nuru gel. She tries out on masseur Billy Boston, with Kayla unable to resist joining them for a XXX threesome. There's no denying the sexiness of athletic little Coco humping away beside busty MILF Kayla, with Coco's large tattoos betraying her porno identity.

Kristen Scott is wary of new customer Robby Echo in a well-titled vignette: "Prove You're Not a Cop". Despite the fact that this never-ending parade of massage porn scenes implies lax enforcement against this particular type of prostitution, Kristen makes Robby jump through a few hoops before gladly sexually servicing him.

Final segment is truly awful and remarkably stupid, as director Billy Visual masochistically casts himself in the role of a truly clueless cuckold -I wouldn't be surprised if his colleagues ribbed him a bit after seeing this nonsense. He works out of his home (unspecified job) and wifey Lacy Lennon complains that he's always on his phone.

She turns out to be the screwball of this particular comedy, titled "Are You Trying to Get Caught". She has sex with her client Seth Gamble right under Visual's nose but he's really oblivious to reality. Fans dig Lacy, but she's as phony and noisy as ever in her loud screams while having sex. Yes, she seems frustrated that no matter how obvious she makes her cheating, cuckold Billy doesn't notice.