Even though violence at a football match isn't exactly unheard of, the players and fans rarely go so far as to actually rip each other to shreds. In French comedy horror Goal of the Dead, it's not a few too many pre-match lagers or an overzealous tackle that results in bloodshed, but rather the injection of a mysterious performance-enhancing drug into player Jeannot (Sebastien Vandenberghe), who, as a result of his jab, is transformed into a ravenous, rage-driven monster spreading infection by vomiting into people's faces.
Seasoned Paris soccer star Sam Lorit (Alban Lenoir) has enough problems on his plate without the added hassle of having to fend off rabid zombies: he's playing a cup match against his home town, Caplongue, where he is seen as a traitor by the locals; his team-mate, rising star Idriss Diago (Ahmed Sylla), seizes every opportunity to steal Sam's limelight; and a young woman, Cléo (Tiphaine Daviot), turns up claiming to be his daughter. Can Sam resolve all of his personal issues while avoiding joining the infected?
Much like a football match, Goal of the Dead is divided into two halves, the first part captained by Benjamin Rocher (director of The Horde), who sets up the story and introduces the characters, before being substituted by Thierry Poiraud, whose task is to score with the gore. Rocher struggles to entertain the crowd, the overly complex plot leading to a full 45 minutes of unimpressive footwork before the action begins proper; Poiraud fares only a little better, pulling off the occasional impressive move (including some slo-mo gunshot wounds and a fun decapitation by car window), but not scoring often enough for the film to finish anywhere near the top of the zombie league table.
5.5 out of 10, rounded up to 6 for IMDb.
