From Far & Wide, From High & Low Vol 13

TWIN PEAKS was a briefly successful series which ran on ABC for a season and a half. This David Lynch/Mark Frost collaborattion set a high standard in visually translating their scripts to television screens however too often (especially in season 2) the story arcs weren't all that special. TWIN PEAKS revolved around the murder of Laura Palmer by a frenzied entity named 'Bob' who escaped from a magical lodge in the sinister woods outside of town. An eccentric FBI agent investigating a string of attacks soon discovers everybody there has a secret to hide. TWIN PEAKS has left it's mark on popular culture with "Who killed Laura Palmer" rivalling "Who shot JR?" as a water cooler conversation of choice. Even today everyone from JJ Abrams to Darren Starr has cited this series as a definite influence. At it's height of popularity virtually every actor in Hollywood wanted a part on the show and you'd be hard pressed to find a more stellar & talented cast assembled for network tv. But in the end it came down to good storytelling and it simply wasn't there consistantly. Instead viewers became alienated by what made it to air and tuned out in droves leaving behind a devoted cult of admirers. After the cancelation of the show Lynch attempted to revive the franchise with a feature film in 1992 and a disastrously unpopular sequel series in 2017.

TWIN PEAKS FIRE WALK WITH ME is no better or worse than the tv series that inspired it but isn't as revered outside the directors circle of fawning critics or fans. To my way of thinking this suggests either the weekly show was over-rated or the sequel/prequel film was under-rated because they are basically the same animal. After a bizarre non sequitor opening featuring David THE HUNGER Bowie Lynch transports us finally to TWIN PEAKS where Laura Palmer's final days are recounted prior to her death at the hands of a malicious spirit named Bob. Lynch exploits the tawdry tale of drugs, prositution, rape and murder for all it's worth without ABC network censors breathing down his neck then does a 180 for the finale which feels like it was lifted from 2001 A SPACE ODESSEY or a Halmark Christmas card. The movie flopped but it's okay. You could do a lot better or worse when it comes to Lynch. Followed by a reboot series in 2017.

After a difficult negotiation, visionary director David DUNE Lynch was given carte blanche by the Showtime network to manufacture a third season of TWIN PEAKS in collaboration with c0-creator Mark FANTASTIC FOUR: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER Frost. The hype for the returning series ensured a significant increase in subscriptions to the cable service but ratings for the 18 episodes were distressingly low. Lynch has assembled the most amazing cast of actors I've ever seen in one place outside of The Academy Awards and I'm giving the show an extra star in recognition of that undeniable achievement. Most of the original stars of the cult classic 1990 ABC soap & it's spin-off film; TWIN PEAKS: FIRE WALK WITH ME are reunited here along with a tsunami of talent. Having said that, nobody got so much as an Emmy nomination for their work. TWIN PEAKS was left to starve at the Emmys with a handful of nominations for sound editing and hair styling. The usual too cool for the room critics praised TWIN PEAKS as the greatest thing to hit tv but I'm sorry I ever laid eyes on it. It collides with and annihilates the original like a particle of anti-matter. The bloated cast is set adrift with sloppily written material which simply defies description. I really wanted to love TWIN PEAKS: THE RETURN but after having seen it, I don't think I can even love the show it was 25 years ago.

David DUNE Lynch directed this DOG which is little more than snippets & bits from abandoned projects & posted you tube material peppered with an indecipherable Hollywood mystery. I can be critical of Lynch and am frequently challenged by defenders who say I dislike Lynch because he refuses to make the movies I want him to. I don't think anyone wanted him to make this tedious crap. There's an additional 3 hours of deleted scenes if you want to watch something really excruciating. The critics adored this pretentious mess but only the most too-cool-for-the-room Lynch aficionados went to see it bomb.

I'm giving WILD AT HEART an extra star for Diane CARNOSAUR Ladd's breath-taking performance which probably would have earned her an Oscar if this had been a slightly better film. David ERASERHEAD Lynch wrote/directed this adaption of the Barry Gifford novel of the same name. Nicolas GHOST RIDER: SPIRIT OF VENGENCE Cage channels Elvis while seducing the trashiest debutante you'll ever lay your eyes on. Lynch regular Laura BASTARD OUT OF CAROLINA Dern plays Lula, a sleazy girl who's insane mother will stop at nothing to prevent her from wasting her life on a lowlife like Sailor. This surreal and sometimes sickening road movie got some mileage from the popularity of TWIN PEAKS but sank like a stone at the box office amidst a sea of perplexed reviews. It's average Lynch. It may have worked better without the WIZARD OF OZ references.

ABC approached David BLUE VELVET Lynch to create a new series beginning with a pilot film called MULHOLLAND DR. The show was intended as an ongoing mystery in the style of TWIN PEAKS set in Hollywood. laura Harring plays an amnesiac named Rita fleeing the scene of an attempted murder (her own) and a terrible car crash. She befriends a struggling actress named Betty who intends to help discover her identity no matter what dangers lie in store. After the network decided not to move forward with a weekly series Lynch filmed additional R-rated material exploiting lesbian sexuality & a whole lot of malarkey trying to make MULHOLLAND DR. into an 'abstract art film' as opposed to a mystery with no solution. I didn't hate it. It even left me craving a weekly series based on the portion of the film intended as a pilot. That showed enormous promise. Personally, I think Lynch damaged his movie in trying to make it the art film it was never intended to be.

David Lynch is a brilliant director capable of world class work who prefers (in recent years) to make abstract 'art' films that alienate everyone but his most adoring fans & endlessly fawning critics. There are some terrific actors here however the nature of this film negates whatever dramatic weight they'd ordinarily carry. LOST HIGHWAY does have an excellent score by Angelo Badalamenti but the plot is deliberately indecipherable. It's slightly better than INLAND EMPIRE.

David DUNE Lynch's masterpiece is very likely this surreal noir or his equally insightful THE ELEPHANT MAN. They are both exceptional although looking back BLUE VELVET has been diminished somewhat by the passing of time. It's coy suggestiveness was instantly decimated by films like BASIC INSTINCT as lurid crime dramas came suddenly into vogue. Dennis THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE PART 2 Hopper steals the show as Frank; a depraved, murderous drug dealer holding a lounge singer's family hostage. Kyle DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES MacLachlan plays an innocent young man who gets dragged into their nightmarish world. A plethora of Lynch's mainstay of actors also appear including Jack Nance, Brad Douriff and Dean Stockwell whose rendition of Candy Colored Clown will send chills down your spine.

This low budget unauthorized sequel to George Romero's classic is an atrocity which exists only because somebody forgot to file for copyright protection way back in 1968. If not for that we may not have suffered through so many of these substandard knock-offs. An English family barricades themselves in their house when the zombies apocalypse begins.

Between SHARKENSTEIN and SHARK EXORCIST it's hard to say which is the worst shark movie ever made. I'm gonna give the award for biggest DOG to SHARK EXORCIST because there was exactly one thing about it I liked; The line 'You're gonna need a bigger cross.'. Everything else was a disaster. From backyard film-maker Mark REVOLT ON THE EMPIRE OF THE APES Palonia..

Mark AMITYVILLE EXORCIST Palonia is responsible for this DOG about three bad actors who are attacked by a special effects shark so cheaply inserted into the 'film' it looks like photo shopping. Even if George Lucas himself had designed the special effects it wouldn't have helped because every single other aspect of this clichéd claptrap about Frankenstein's heart being transplanted into a shark by Nazis is strictly bottom of the barrel. Not even good for laughs.

David SORORITY BABES IN THE SLIMEBALL BOWLORAMA DeCoteau usually knows his way around an indie horror movie and can even make a lttle cinematic magic happen if he has the the time and money. With this 2nd film in the Canadian Maneater franchise produced for the sci fi network he obviously had neither. GRIZZLY RAGE is a tedious tv movie about 4 young adults who are stalked by a vengeful bear after the death of her cub. The real bear used wasn't filmed doing anything scary and so isn't scary. The special effects are indescribably poor and the gore non existant. Next up; IN THE SPIDER'S WEB

HIGH PLAINS INVADERS is the 21st film in the Canadian Maneater series produced for the SyFy channel. SMALLVILLE star James Marsters looks like he's having a pretty good time playing a disreputable cowboy who must save a town in the old west from an invasion of STARSHIP TROOPER style alien bugs. The pace is brisk and the cast is game. One of the better films in the long running franchise. Followed by BEHEMOTH

The box cover promised equal parts terror & hilarity and since neither are in evidence watching this dull gut muncher it ain't lying. A family of murdered Mayans returns from beyond the grave to avenge themselves on their killer. Very unconvincing practical make up effects and a plot twist towards the end that will come as no surprise help sink this direct to dvd cheapie which stars Todd DIFFERENT STROKES Bridges as a fat, retarded construction worker.

This Canadian giant monster tv movie was the 22nd produced for the SciFi network in the Maneater series. A mythical creature slumbers beneath the surface of the earth; it's tentacles stretched out under the mantle of this world. When the creature awakens and begins to emerge from an alaskan mountain all manner of death and destruction befall a small town. BEHEMOTH is no less contrived than others in the franchise but a nice cast helps make it tolerable especially William THE X FILES Davis as a wise historian trying to understand the monster and find a way to stop it. Followed by FEROCIOUS PLANET

Bill ATOMIC TWISTER Cororan did solid work directing RISE OF THE GARGOYLES. The special effects look ok for cheap and the gore is splattered just enough. Usually sci fi network tv movies aren't as well made as this. When demolision of a French cathedral releases a gargoyle handsome Eric HAVEN Balfour has to figure out how to destroy the creature. This was the 18th film in the Maneater franchise. Followed by SAND SERPENTS

Oh what a time to be alive! We have sharks in space, we have sharks taking flight with the aid of tornadoes, we have sharks as big as aircraft carriers and now we have sharks that swim in sand thanks to director Mark THE HAUNTING OF WINCHESTER HOUSE Aitkins & star Corin MANSQITO Nemec. It's simply one of the worst JAWS rip-offs you're ever likely to see.

CARNY is the 17th film in Canada's Maneater franchise of television films produced for the Sci-Fi network. A murderous carnival owner is responsible for a Jersey Devil escaping from captivity in this unusually nihilistic and gory entry in the series. Most of the cast is unappealing and the dialogue is rock bottom. As if that weren't bad enough, Lou Diamond SUPERNOVA Phillips gives the laziest performance of his career as the sheriff trying to kill the demon. Followed by RISE OF THE GARGOYLES

Ricky RETURN TO LONESOME DOVE Schroeder directed this 20th entry in the Canadian Maneater franchise developed for the SyFy network. Kleitos (THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS's Scott Elrod) must face down the titular Hellhounds as he descends into Hades to rescue his beloved Princess Demetria. The dogs used in this television film didn't exactly radiate menace. One of the least entertaining movies in this guilty pleasure series. Followed by HIGH PLAINS INVADERS

Ishiro MATANGO Honda directed this odd and unsatisfying gangster pic fused awkwardly with the anti atomic sentiments which ran deep in the Japanese culture following the bombings at Hiroshima & Nagasaki. A group of men exposed to radiation become transformed into glowing fluid people capable of blending in with water and liquifying their enemies with a touch. The group of so-called H-Men are tied to drug running gangsters operating out of a sleazy downtown nightclub. This was one of the least effective Honda films although the special effects were interesting. It does enjoy a small cult following but I wouldn't rush out to watch it again.

Ishiro GOJIRA Honda directed this spectacularly staged science fiction classic from the legendary Toho Studios. Aliens from the newly discovered Mysteroid (an asteroid between Mars & Jupiter) launch a full on invasion against Japan armed with an armada of flying saucers and a fantastic robot named Moguera. The kaiju special effects material is 1st rate and this ranks as one of the most important films from that era within the genre. If he theme music by Akira Ifukube reminds you of BEETLEJUICE it's because Danny Elfman helped himself to half the score without so much a thank you! Moguera would re-appear in GODZILLA VS SPACEGODZILLA while another informal sequel was released under the title BATTLE IN OUTER SPACE.

BATTLE IN OUTER SPACE was initially envisioned as a formal sequel to THE MYSTERIANS however when many of the stars were unavailable Toho forged ahead with a script down playing their connection. A group of aliens stationed on the moon launch an assault on Japan while a small team of astronauts attempt to halt the invasion. The special effects sequence depicting the destruction of a city via an anti-gravity device is worth the price of admission. Followed by BATTLE IN OUTER SPACE II

This more popular sequel to FRANKENSTEIN CONQUERS THE WORLD finds two surviving Gargantuas coming to battle over whether or not to befriend human civilization. The kaiju special effects are wonderfully brought to life by Ishiro Honda who just had a knack for these things like no other. The appearance of a giant octopus during the opening scene is an especially exciting moment! Lovers of camp will enjoy the casting of TWIN PEAKS star Russ Tamblyn and the ear-rending rendition of 'The Words Get Stuck In My Throat' that will get stuck in your head forever. WAR OF THE GARGANTUAS was referenced directly in GODZILLA: TOKYO SOS cementing it's ties to the Monsterverse. Highly recommended for genre fans.

Kevin THE HOWLING McCarthy plays a rural doctor whose patients begin complaining their loved ones are not who they appear to be. And they're right! An invasion is underway with pods from another world replicating human life to perfection except for their inability to express emotions. This nightmarish political propaganda film slash science fiction classic has aged beautifully and lost none of it's power. One of the best films of the 1950s. Filmed in B&W. Followed by remakes in 1978, 1993, 2007 & 2021 and countless imitations. Based on the more optimistic novel by Jack Finney.

Philip THE RIGHT STUFF Kaufman directed this excellent remake of the 1956 cold war inspired science fiction classic of the same name. Donald DIRTY SEXY MONEY Sutherland plays a health inspector living in San Francisco where a mysterious new plant is growing everywhere and people begin behaving differently. Soon the health inspector and everyone he loves are overwhelmed by an alien onslaught and running for their lives. It's a terrific film on par with the original in every way and like the original has lost almost none of it's power to frighten or fascinate. Followed by BODY SNATCHERS.