Horror: Slashers

A surprisingly decent slasher set in a haunted attraction. It is much heavier on action and gore than story, but that's always better than trying to stretch the story beyond what it can really cover. (6/10)

A prehistoric slasher flick is a very fun concept. However, it leans just a little too hard into the whole "We're just a silly little low-budget film" angle to be a fully-enjoyable experience. AKA "The Troma Problem." (4/10)

The lone survivor of a suicide cult wakes up from a thirteen-year coma and has to deal with trauma and the possibility of the cult's leader coming after her from beyond the grave. Which is a thing that doesn't sound like it's going to be a slaher film, but it is. Overall it is very good, with some interesting and unexpected twists. Unfortunately, I just cannot talk about the best element of this movie without major spoilers.

7/10

The best meta commentary on the slasher subgenre.

A baseball-themed slasher which is significantly better than you'd expect upon hearing "baseball-themed slasher." The story and execution are both quite decent, and while a little gimmicky, the killer is memorable and fun. (6/10)

The film that laid out the basics of the slasher formula which were later perfected by Halloween (1978). Also no excessive holiday theming, simply a straight-up quality slasher-type experience that happens to be set at Christmas time.

(8/10)

A surprisingly solid remake. It takes the original concept and gives it its own spin. A visually striking presentation, making very good use of the Christmas trappings in the lighting and set dressing. (6/10)

A desert slasher with such one-dimensional characters that their single defining traits are even listed off at one point. Really only notable for featuring former Wednesday Addams actress Lisa Loring. (4/10)

If you’re going into this movie expecting some kind of killer clown rampage, you’re going to be very disappointed. And let's be honest here. If not for a delightfully-unhinged performance from Tiny Tim, this movie would be completely unremarkable beyond a handful of very awkward and uncomfortable scenes.

5/10

Everyone loves a good themed slasher movie, the stranger the theme the better, and this is a fishing-themed slasher movie. Unfortunately, for a movie about a killer who kills with a comically-oversized fishing lure, it's played far too seriously to be a comedy, but is also far too silly to be a serious horror movie. Also, at almost 2 hours long—for the director's cut—it absolutely crawls along with extended scenes of characters basically doing nothing, but somehow still manages to have a very rushed ending.

5/10

One of those "horror-comedies" that feels like the comedic aspects are just there as an attempt to cover that it's just not a good movie. Like, "No, we're totally self-aware and hilarious, it's intentionally bad." (3/10)

So apparently the seventh entry in the long-running "Bring It On" series of cheerleading films is for some reason a slasher movie. Not like a cheerleading movie with some slasher references. Not a cheerleading slasher parody. Like, a legitimate slasher film that just happens to also be about cheerleading. And this is coming from a total slasher snob. It's not great, but within the limits of a PG-13 Syfy original, it is overall pretty decent.

Honestly, it's something I recommend watching just for the sheer oddity of its existence.

5/10

A group of friends break into an abandoned pornography store—no, really—where they are of course stalked and murdered. There’s a story, but it doesn’t matter. Things happen, but it’s impossible to care about any of them. Overall, a movie that just kinda exists, not impacting its surrounding in any meaningful way. I knew what I was getting into, but I don't think you can blame me for not being able to resist the allure of a killer sexy bunny girl. Which is about the only thing this movie actually delivers.

3/10

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