The Most Over Rated Films and Critic's darlings

I will be the 1st to admit there are a few Cagney films that live up to their reputation. This AIN'T one of them. This is like being dragged, half drunk, to Christmas midnight Mass with a girl you been dating for a couple weeks. You keep hoping she will be worth it but it does not seem like it at the time. Us cavemen and woman who remember only having 4 channels to watch can only cringe at memories of Sunday mornings past. Taking the dog for a walk, slightly hung-over, and smoking an early morning joint along the rail road tracks. With a fresh cup of tea we turn on the 13" black and white in time to catch the host talking about what a classic we are about to watch. He (or she) mentions what a titan Cagney was. Good, good your THC addled brain is thinking or at least telegraphing to your frontal lobes. Then the fop smugly says "Few viewers besides fans realize he wanted to be remembered as a song and dance man." DANGER! DANGER! appears on your imaginary pilot's heads up display. Only the foolhardy stoner ignores its warning(s). "This magnificent 1942 movie blah blah war bonds blah blah blah." OH NO! Quick, change the channel! What's behind door number 2? The weekly farm report? Aiiieee! Number 3? Pledge week on PBS? As the bawdy school yard ditty went "Yank my doodle, it's a dandy!"

Geez! I mean the acting was fantastic but the bear attack lasted forever. Terrible pacing, a mediocre film with Leonardo's great acting.

Oh, where to start? Like the Civil war re-enactment goofs, scorn competes with pity for those who champion this bloated, expensive cartoon. The book was better, but that ain't the point. I just don't get it with this one. There are plenty of flicks with marginal acting, so-so sets, and a storyline as boring as an elevator ride yet this one is heralded as something not to be missed. It should be pointed out that I have watched this several times hoping something, anything, would click. Being a 1st generation American who grew up in one of the more "mixed" neighbourhood, I never had the race\slavery hang up. My friends were the kids I lived by, so 2 out 5 lifelong buddies are black. AND they hate the term "African-American". I guess it's like Woodrow Wilson said, he doesn't have any place for "hyphenated" Americans and they feel zero connection with Africa, or so they have told me on numerous occasions. Anyhow, Carol Burnett's send up of it was superior to the movie.

I could make a list and just have musicals, which would be cheating. Gene Kelly was a hometown boy and I am glad he enjoyed so much success. However, these "great" musicals, to me, aren't any different from an Elvis movie, or even "The Apple". So this will be the LAST musical on the list. Luckily, I now think of Alex and his droogs ultra-violent home invasion when I hear the title number.

Man, where to start? I went with a couple friends from D co 1st/501st INF (ABN) to a mall in Hopkinsville, KY to see this. I was half-crocked and not aware it was a kid's movie. I should of listened to my inner-soldier when I watched it again for this list. I can see why it made money. That being said, it is saccharine, trite, and pandering in an unsettling way.

Could you hear a flush right when the credits for this rolled? I did. Woody may consider us fans of his "funny" period churlish boors for not digging his "I'm an artist, too!" lame-ass, boring, pretentious films. I WANTED this to be good, just like every other waste of celluloid he has released since this milestone. On the way out of seeing this, I stopped and smoked a cigar. I was only 13 but I knew a solemn moment had passed. Woodie cared less about his fans than Barbara Streisand. Maybe Mia should of taken up Frank's offer* when the sordid "Honey, I screwed the kids" story broke. Oh, Woody. Next someone will tell me he played a Los Angelino opposite Bette Midler. What? You are kidding, right?

*Mia has publicly said several times that Frank called and offered to have Woody's legs broken.

Did I say no more musicals on the list? Well, this one made me lie. I guess because as a kid it was on once a year and we HAD to watch it. CBS ran it, back when there were 3 with PBS and just as inconsequential UHF stations closing out what was on TV. Hell, it used to GO OFF THE AIR. Better times, no doubt. Anyhow, being subject to this was akin to watching the news when 11 years old, knowing there were Star Trek re-runs on the UHF station. Bastards.

In SPITE of this movie, I like Mr. Hanks in other movies. At least he played it without any overt 'tard moves'. Like the cool, older brother in the book said "Being dumb ain't no box o' chocolates". It has one redeeming factor absent in all the others on this list. Lt. Dane. The 'nam stuff in this film is better than "Platoon" in it's entirety.

Dateline: Pittsburgh Playhouse: 1980 A 16 year old, his girl and his best friend go to the film repertory theatre to see this flick. The crowd was 80% bikers, 19.997% college kids*, and us. The event cemented me favourable view of bikers. They were pretty mean to the college kids, taking their food and beer BUT was super nice to us, being obviously under-age. We were pleasantly stoned and WANTED to like it. Well, the tripping with the whores in the graveyard was OK. We blew it, man.


*The old Playhouse was sponsored by Point Park College and was on Craft street in Oakland, next to Pitt and a short bicycle ride from CMU.

Just admit it sucks, you will feel better. If anyone plays the race card, counter with "His Son of Sam movie should of done much better." If it is some pretentious Nathan R. wannabe, remind them that white boys who feel the brothers need them to stick up for their race is racist in and of itself. I did LOVE his Nike "NBA strike" commercials. So there.

Flip Wilson did it far, far better long before. Seriously, the 80s were the opposite of the 70s. "Living in the plastic age" was probably inspired by crap like this. I don't fault Mr. Hoffman. There is nothing wrong with taking the money and running. Just be a man and admit it, al a Paul Stanley and "I Was Made For Loving You". ANY film hiding Jessica Lange's Venus-like body is a waste of film. Mr. Sheppard, we salute you!

Oh, does this one stink! Influential, me bum. Sexist, incorrect in every prediction, poorly acted, and painful to watch. No, it's not a Linda Ellerbee Nickelodeon propaganda piece for kids, though the adjectives match. Even the 'cheesecake' is sub-par, though I would hit it. The movie's appeal escapes me. When dialogue is stilted and a chore to listen to is coupled with a string of boring images, time drags.

Watching paint dry or watching this? Gee, that is a tough one, magic fish who is promising me wishes. Am I allowed to smoke a joint?

Rebel without a clue. Whadddya want from MEEEE???!!!???
Live it up, kid. After 18 it is ALLLLL downhill, with the exception of having kids of your own. Even more unforgivable is it being the loose basis for that Vanilla Ice flick. Or so I been told. Now that Van Plebe, or whatever his name is, dresses relatively normal and has a goatee, he looks like my younger brother Tony, who has sadly left this mortal coil.

OK, when people screamed and thought a train was going to come out of the screen, this may have been the cat's ass. Now? Pioneering? GO watch 'Metropolis' and say that again. I am not one of the PC revisionist goofs attacking it for the content. I just do not see why it appears on all the great film lists. Wait a second. It's for critics to say they saw it and such. It is sort of like the book version of 'Frankenstein'. The ratio of people who actually read it as claimed to have is on par with the amount of men who claim to be S.E.A.L.s as to the amount of men who actually were. Same concept, anyhow. Try REALLY watching it and then claim how great it was with a straight face.

See #13. It shares the spirit of a Joe Cocker tune. It gets played all the time but I have yet to meet someone worthwhile who says they like it. Watch, me buddy J. Michael might say it, just to make me rewrite this entry.

As someone who is 'in the rooms', I know a lot of prostitutes and former prostitutes. None of them ever shared anything like this. Oddly enough, I did here a tale similar to "Pretty Woman". That woman did NOT need a stunt ass or body double. Even odder is the handful that I am on speaking terms with are 99% lesbians.

One of the best guys I met in the Army, Kevin Calhoun, turned me on to "The Verdict". It lost to "Best Picture" to this? Save your time and go watch "Sexy Beast" instead. Now THAT role should of got Mr. Kingsley an Oscar.

Man, did I pick the wrong parents. Shhheeezzzz. Make it seem like its highbrow and all the pasty, chubby goofs who review films will say they like it. Why? Just because. That's why. I really do not like Ms. Paltrow or at least the stuff she has been in.

What do you want for $20? One of dem singin hoes like in Moulin Rouge? A couple of the girls in Panama would sing "Mi gusta grande pinga!" for an extra $5. Kidman may have been the world's best compensated beard, but she does NOTHING for me. How many duds is she allowed? I mean, count out loud her past dozen bombs. Box Office poison. Tina, get her the axe!

Whatever. Gene Hackman can carry a flick but this is beyond redemption. As crass and irritating as a drunk on the bus.

With the exception of Michael Douglas, the acting is laughable. Trite, ham-fisted, and best classified as a good idea poorly executed, this should of bombed.

I was an infantryman from 1981 - 1987. All my senior NCOs were 'Nam vets. I spend a fair amount of time at the VA. This movie, besides being an over-simplistic pot-boiler, spawned more fake combat vets than the 2 gulf wars. There did not seem to be some sort of national soul-searching over the Korean conflict. I will say that the division between the ropers and dopers was well done. You would have to be a grunt to understand that one ;-)

I WANTED to like this flick. I kept waiting for it to get good. Never came, just more and more saccharine heaped triteness.

The special effects are still stunning BUT if you read the book, you KNOW why this is on this list. Ian, the mathmetician, was a great character. Heck, the narrative was darn near centered on him. Hometown boy Jeff Goldblum is a great actor, no argument there. For whatever reasons, he played Ian like skirt chasing moron instead of a skirt-chasing genius. The kids on the screen were patented Spielberg kids. In the book, they were much more developed, and far more likable. See the flick for the SFX, read the book for a real experience. I do not call many books "page turners" but JP definitely is one.