Cinema Hell
- the horror...
I don't mention the merely forgettable, because I have forgotten it. That's not so-bad-it's-good, but where the smile literally freezes on your face and sends shockwaves. And add practically everything "remake" (or most "sequels".) And practically all "superheroes" and most "slashers". Ah, darn, everything after the 70s. They don't make 'em like they used to. (I also don't understand the whole southkorean cinema.)
There's also a handful of very brutal pictures, I simply will not watch, but they would in all likelihood end up here.
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List your movie, TV & celebrity picks.
- 43 titles
- DirectorBrian Trenchard-SmithStarsTimothy BottomsJohn CunninghamDavid FontenoThis is the story of the days directly after 9/11, and the president's whereabouts.
- imagine the perfect object.
(get familiar with the work of the director and you might come ...to a... completely...new ...understanding.) - DirectorTony ScottStarsTom CruiseTim RobbinsKelly McGillisThe Top Gun Naval Fighter Weapons School is where the best of the best train to refine their elite flying skills. When hotshot fighter pilot Maverick is sent to the school, his reckless attitude and cocky demeanor put him at odds with the other pilots, especially the cool and collected Iceman.
- damn near unwatchable. Oh so wrong on oh so many levels. If you get allergic reactions after the 5th shower scene (or whatever war this might be?), watch decent left-winger fantasies like Milius' "Red Dawn", Siegel's "Dirty Harry" or "Starship Troopers" instead. They were in-on-the-joke all along. This was never meant to be taken serious.
- DirectorJames WatkinsStarsKelly ReillyMichael FassbenderTara EllisWhen a couple goes to a remote lake for a romantic getaway, their quiet weekend is shattered by an aggressive group of kids. Rowdiness quickly turns to rage as the teens terrorize them, and a weekend outing becomes a battle for survival.
- unnecessary.
- DirectorMichael BayStarsBruce WillisBilly Bob ThorntonBen AffleckAfter discovering that an asteroid the size of Texas will impact Earth in less than a month, NASA recruits a misfit team of deep-core drillers to save the planet.
- the only movie I ever walked out of the cinema.
- DirectorRenny HarlinStarsHolly GossMatt StokoeLuke AlbrightA group of students go to the location of the infamous Dyatlov pass incident to make a documentary, but things take a turn for the worse as the secret of what happened there is revealed.
- positively insulting.
- DirectorStephen DaldryStarsThomas HornTom HanksSandra BullockA nine-year-old amateur inventor, Francophile, and pacifist searches New York City for the lock that matches a mysterious key left behind by his father, who died in the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001.
- horrible.
- DirectorSteven SpielbergStarsHarrison FordCate BlanchettShia LaBeoufSet in 1957, it pits Indiana Jones against Soviet KGB agents led by Irina Spalko searching for a telepathic crystal skull located in Peru.
- awful.
- DirectorRoland EmmerichStarsWill SmithBill PullmanJeff GoldblumThe aliens are coming and their goal is to invade and destroy Earth. Fighting superior technology, mankind's best weapon is the will to survive.
- horrid.
- DirectorSteven SpielbergStarsSam NeillLaura DernJeff GoldblumAn industrialist invites some experts to visit his theme park of cloned dinosaurs. After a power failure, the creatures run loose, putting everyone's lives, including his grandchildren's, in danger.
- painful. Yeah ok, it did some good to the cause of the dinosaurs.
- DirectorJason EisenerStarsRutger HauerPasha EbrahimiRobb WellsA homeless vigilante blows away crooked cops, pedophile Santas, and other scumbags with his trusty pump-action shotgun.
- disappointing.
- DirectorFrancis Ford CoppolaStarsWilliam CampbellLuana AndersBart PattonA scheming widow hatches a bold plan to acquire her late husband's inheritance, unaware that she is being targeted by an ax murderer who lurks in the family's estate.
- mindnumbingly boring and utterly incomprehensible.
- DirectorAlexandre BustilloJulien MauryStarsAlysson ParadisJean-Baptiste TabourinClaude LuléFour months after the death of her husband, a woman on the brink of motherhood is tormented in her home by a strange woman who wants her unborn baby.
- no. just 'no'.
- DirectorIrvin KershnerStarsMark HamillHarrison FordCarrie FisherAfter the Empire overpowers the Rebel Alliance, Luke Skywalker begins his Jedi training with Yoda. At the same time, Darth Vader and bounty hunter Boba Fett pursue his friends across the galaxy.
- godawful.
- DirectorPeter JacksonStarsNaomi WattsJack BlackAdrien BrodyA greedy film producer assembles a team of moviemakers and sets out for the infamous Skull Island, where they find more than just cannibalistic natives.
- I won't watch a big hairy CGI ape running through the jungle for 45 minutes. I simply won't.
- DirectorJames CameronStarsSam WorthingtonZoe SaldanaSigourney WeaverA paraplegic Marine dispatched to the moon Pandora on a unique mission becomes torn between following his orders and protecting the world he feels is his home.
- I'd rather not. After 40 minutes I've had enough.
- DirectorMike BarkerStarsPierce BrosnanMaria BelloGerard ButlerA perfect family's dynamic is ruined by a kidnapper's brutally efficient plot.
- this one was pretty bad. Some vanity project.
- DirectorPanos CosmatosStarsEva BourneMichael J RogersScott HylandsDespite being under heavy sedation, a young woman tries to make her way out of the Arboria Institute, a secluded, quasifuturistic commune.
- count me out.
- DirectorDaniel BarberStarsMichael CaineEmily MortimerDavid BradleyAn elderly ex-serviceman and widower looks to avenge his best friend's murder by doling out his own form of justice.
- waste of talent. BFI/National Lottery likes to paint their country as a hellhole.
- DirectorJamie PayneStarsDavid MorrisseyAlex LoweTara FitzgeraldA doctor and his girlfriend are stalked by a woman who claims to be in love with him. Meanwhile, the man falls in love with a younger woman. Based on a true story.
- makes u wonder what's wrong with society.
- DirectorAndrzej ZulawskiStarsIsabelle AdjaniSam NeillMargit CarstensenA woman starts exhibiting increasingly disturbing behavior after asking her husband for a divorce. Suspicions of infidelity soon give way to something much more sinister.
- overrated, and a case for the looney bin.
- DirectorOrson WellesStarsAnthony PerkinsArnoldo FoàJess HahnAn unassuming office worker is arrested and stands trial, but he is never made aware of his charges.
- tonally all wrong. Welles and Kafka is a match made in hell.
- DirectorFranklin J. SchaffnerStarsGregory PeckLaurence OlivierJames MasonA Nazi hunter in Paraguay discovers a sinister and bizarre plot to rekindle the Third Reich.* awesome in its awfulness.
- DirectorJon FavreauStarsRobert Downey Jr.Gwyneth PaltrowTerrence HowardAfter being held captive in an Afghan cave, billionaire engineer Tony Stark creates a unique weaponized suit of armor to fight evil.
- terrible.
- DirectorPhillip NoyceStarsBrenton ThwaitesJeff BridgesMeryl StreepIn a seemingly perfect community without war, pain, suffering, differences or choices, a young boy is chosen to learn from an elderly man, the true pain and pleasure of the "real" world.
- not good.
- DirectorMarc ForsterStarsBrad PittMireille EnosDaniella KerteszFormer United Nations employee Gerry Lane traverses the world in a race against time to stop a zombie pandemic that is toppling armies and governments and threatens to destroy humanity itself.
- average blockbuster hell.
