The Bottom Of The Barrel
Originally these were movies that I found morally repugnant, but eventually it just morphed into movies that were merely painful to sit through or think about.
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- 47 titles
- DirectorUlli LommelStarsSuzanna LoveJohn CarradineRon JamesThrough the reflection in the mirror, a girl witnesses her mother's boyfriend's murder.Absolutely disgusting waste of time, film and electricity. Sleazy and limp. There are way better Italian horror flicks out there.
- DirectorFranc RoddamStarsBilly WirthKevin DillonTim SampsonA group of re-enactors attempt to stage a hundred year anniversary battle between US Cavalry and Blackfeet Indians. Unfortunately racial hostilities and a real gun lead to some all too real casualties, and three young Blackfoot men are caught in the middle. The film follows their flight for freedom in the face of an angry community which has mistakenly blamed them for the violence.Attempts a blaxploitation anger, but merely becomes obvious, lewd and dull. The ending is supposed to be a last stand, but comes off as a Darwin Award via idiots taking something way too far. You know you're in trouble when the Rambo rip off turkeys Thunder Warrior 1-3 is better than this.
- DirectorJosh BeckerStarsBrian SchulzRobert RickmanJohn ManfrediJack Stryker took two bullets in the leg in Vietnam and was carried back by one of his men. When he returns, he tries to live a quiet life in his cabin and go back out with his girlfriend, Sally.The only thing worse than an offensive exploitation movie, is exploitation that tries to be offensive and merely has you rolling your eyes.
- DirectorDan GoldenStarsMaria FordRick DeanLance AugustWhen a blind vagrant enters nightclub Zipper's Clown Palace for a last call drink, pleasure turns to panic as he pulls a gun and holds exotic dancer Christina hostage. What follows is a deadly confrontation between madness and sanity.Mean spirited and ugly exploitation that wastes Maria Ford and turns her nude scenes into something that feels dirty and unsavory.
- DirectorLloyd KaufmanStarsDavid MatteyClyde LewisHeidi SjursenThe Toxic Avenger must defend his friends from his own evil alternate universe doppelgänger, The Noxious Offender.A completely unfunny gross out comedy that has none of the charm of parts 1 and 2, and mainly just is gross out poop, sex and urine drinking gags, all poorly directed.
- DirectorJacques DorfmannStarsChristopher LambertKlaus Maria BrandauerMax von SydowAn entire nation's destiny lies in the hands of one man.Christopher Lambert in his worst movie to date. Seriously, not even The Sicilian,Adrenalin:Fear The Rush and Highlander 2 is this hideous. Also, could be one of the most boring films ever made.
- DirectorPeter GeorgeStarsGail NeelyRobert HardenBarry BrennerWhen the son of a gun-wielding woman is murdered by neo-Nazi surf punks in the post-apocalyptic future, his Mama hunts them down for some bloodthirsty revenge.It took me multiple sittings through this, and really it wasn't worth the effort. Utterly painful.
- DirectorEli RothStarsJay HernandezDerek RichardsonEythor GudjonssonThree backpackers head to a Slovak city that promises to meet their hedonistic expectations, with no idea of the hell that awaits them.Unfortunately people bumping uglies for 45 minutes, and then non-stop torture in the latter half is not the makings of a good horror film. Sleep inducing at times.
- DirectorMeir ZarchiStarsCamille KeatonEron TaborRichard PaceAn aspiring writer is repeatedly assaulted, humiliated, and left for dead by four men she systematically hunts down to seek revenge.Just like 70 minutes of unpleasant rape and viscous retribution for 30 minutes is not good horror, good revenge or especially empowerment. Badly made with an emphasis on humiliation.
- DirectorAlan MetterStarsG.W. BaileyGeorge GaynesMichael WinslowThe Russian government hires the veterans of the Police Academy (1984) to help deal with the Mafia.Maybe in an alternative universe this can make people laugh, but even then, I doubt it.
- DirectorJoseph ZitoStarsGary DanielsMike NorrisBentley MitchumAn elite commando unit must rescue a captured peacekeeping force from a ruthless international arms dealer.Dreadful Rambo rip off hijinks which somehow manages to be even more awful than latter day Seagal films, and by a large margin.
- DirectorAlbert PyunStarsRob LoweBurt ReynoldsMario Van PeeblesIn a crumbling Europe, powerful mafia families have emerged from the anarchy to vie for control of the lucrative arms trade.Incomprehensible Tarantino rip off, about an assassin doing some boring nonsense in some East European country. Easily the worst film Albert Pyun ever made, and I liked some of his movies.
- DirectorJames Glenn DudelsonStarsShannon LeeMichael DornRobert VitelliCriminal Gavin Matthews finds himself an unwilling recruit, who's identity and past has been erased by "The Corporation," a secret underground organization that acts as a rogue "Justice Department," righting the wrongs the courts cannot. Now, held with other "recruits" at The Corporation's training and reeducation facility, Matthews and the others will become useful and professional assassins...or they will be eliminated. As his training is completed, Matthews and his trainer discover The Corporation's true purpose and learn they are to be eliminated when their assignment is complete. Now they must execute their own form of justice before it's too late.The people behind this dud, need more lessons in filmmaking. Makes Laser Mission seem like Enter The Dragon.
- DirectorDarren DoaneStarsGary DanielsChristopher StapletonRyan KosDean Campbell is a high-powered attorney who returns home from work to find his family being held hostage by terrorists.Cool VHS cover art and absolutely painful movie going experience. The fights are poorly choreographed, the plot makes no sense and the plot is incomprehensible.
- DirectorJoe D'AmatoStarsMiles O'KeeffeSabrina SianiRitza BrownThe son of Torren learns of his heritage, goes to avenge the deaths of his fellow villagers, and rescue his sister from the evil Dakkar and his spider cult.Predates Game Of Thrones on the incest, and the spider effect at the end is laughable, unfortunately that is where all the unintentional laughs end. A complete ordeal to sit through otherwise.
- DirectorsEthan CoenJoel CoenStarsJosh BrolinGeorge ClooneyAlden EhrenreichA Hollywood fixer in the 1950s works to keep the studio's stars in line.The ultimate Hollywood handjob that is supposedly satirical. Mindless, unfunny and really quite annoying.
- DirectorCirio H. SantiagoStarsGary WatkinsLaura BanksLynda WiesmeierIn a postapocalyptic future, a ruthless vehicular gang called the Highway Warriors is conquering the wasteland through murder and plunder. During a raid, they kidnap the sister of a road warrior named Trace. He brings hell down upon them.Post apocalyptic dreadfulness that seems to consist solely of naked women on the hood of cars in the hot sun. It's also pretty mean spirited and cheap looking. It's also extremely repetitive and uninspired.
- DirectorDamian LeeStarsJeff WincottSven-Ole ThorsenPhillip JarrettA master martial artist is kidnapped by a psychotic billionaire who runs a bizarre fighting ring, where combatants must either win or die. John Stoneman refuses to kill any man... until his wife's life is put on the line.Dreadful Canadian Bloodsport rip off that focuses not on the fights, but on the angle of the combatants being forced to participate and kill each other against their will. This ruins the fun factor, because since the fights are brutalizing, it's not kung fu, but rather a human cockfight and on that level, such is just depressing.
- DirectorGregory DarkStarsWings HauserAlex CordG. Gordon LiddyJohn Miller is an politician wanting to become mayor. He founds a group called S.Q.U.A.D. whose mission is to get rid of all street scum by any means necessary.Literally this one is just completely unwatchable. Even G. Gordon Liddy as the bad guy is merely a lame actor, so no unintentional comedy. As a movie itself, it's cheap, derivative and padded.
- DirectorDamien LeoneStarsLauren LaVeraDavid Howard ThorntonElliott FullamResurrected by a sinister entity, Art the Clown returns to Miles County to terrorize a teenage girl and her younger brother on Halloween night.More of a special effects compilation then a movie, what kills this movie most is its interminable run time. 2.5 hours is just too long for a slasher flick especially one so unambitious and predictable.
- DirectorPercival RubensStarsGary LockwoodCamilla SparvMorgan StevensIn a post-nuclear holocaust world, roving bands of motorcycle gangs attack ranchers to try to take over their land.It's one thing for post-apocalyptic trash movie to be silly, cheap and poorly written. It's another thing to be this excruciatingly dull. A complete zilch as far as action, suspense and (unintentional) humor go.
- DirectorsAlbert BandCharles BandDanny DravenStarsBarbara CramptonTim ThomersonFrom Angel City to the desert - razor sharp claws, killer parasites, deadly websites, and world destruction prevail. Movie vignettes titled "Space Freaks," "Alien Classics," and "From Beyond."This is not even a movie, it's just a bunch of random clips put together from other movies. Even worse is that the clips are from movies that weren't very good to begin with, so what was the point?
- DirectorM. Night ShyamalanStarsJaden SmithDavid DenmanWill SmithA crash landing leaves Kitai Raige and his father Cypher stranded on Earth, a millennium after events forced humanity's escape. With Cypher injured, Kitai must embark on a perilous journey to signal for help.The worst film I've ever seen in a movie theater. Will Smith is glum, his son Jaden is annoying and the film is a total bore.
- DirectorRobert HammerStarsJames WestmorelandBen FrankFlo LawrenceA deeply disturbed Vietnam veteran terrorizes the young women of Los Angeles and taunts a radio psychologist with descriptions of his grisly crimes.Sick movie about a Vietnam vet with mommy issues who targets various women. One scene in particular has him targeting a woman who in a scene earlier detailed sexual abuse to her shrink. The rest of the film feels like a third rate Dragnet rip off. Maniac did it way better.
- DirectorGeorge MendelukStarsSally KellermanPatrick DempseyAl WaxmanThe ghost of a dead porn star comes to Earth to help a nerd with his sex life.The type of movie that makes one wonder if the people who wrote it had ever had sex, given how there is little that is relatable, and even less that is entertaining.
