The Girl in Room 69

Title refers obliquely to a femme fatale played by busty Kim Chambers, who sets in motion this neo-noir. Movie is sunk by idiotic dialogue and voice-over that unsubly lampoons the cliched prose of those vintage film noirs.

For example, strip club owner Nicky Durango (played by Jon Dough) proclaims with a straight face to his bosomy bartended Bionca Trump some clutzy lines, including: "I found me a headliner, a twinkle-toed little stripper with cans the size of The Guns of Navarone" and "You're as haywire as hailstones in Havana". Not to be undone, star Jonathan Morgan's idiotic (and hysterical) voice-over narration includes: "Time was an evildoer in this scenario, and I had too much of it on my hands at this moment". Incidentally, Bionca calls her boss Nicky Delaney, while the rest of the cast refers to him properly as Nicky Durango, a typical flub.

Morgan is cast as Tom Doheny, who is a reformed alcoholic who has opened an insurance office. Kim is inheriting $50,000,000, and is his first client, referred to him by Tom's pal Alex Sanders, playing an oversexed doctor (seen getting it on with his blonde nurse Jasper).

Plenty of plot twists involve this cast in the murder of Kim, investigated by a most unlikely team of cops: overacting Steve Hatcher and very tall Sahara Sands.

Femme cast including Kaitlyn Ashley in a non-role as Dough's stripper discovery, is impressive in their XXX performances, but otherwise the movie is underwhelming in the extreme. Had the emphasis been on capturing the mood and style of a '40s film noir, rather than just making fun of the genre, it might have worked.