Take Five and Other Tales

How do you satirize something that's already silly? That's the burning question left unanswered in this unfunny set of bondage vignettes, exaggerated a bit in a lame attempt to improve on the fatally boring cliches of the genre.

Lasting an interminable 10 minutes, opening segment stars Amber Michaels as a bondage actress in the recording studio to record some grunts for her new movie, not unlike a session for voice artists working on an animated film. It's a stupid shaggy-dog premise, as an unseen executive producer Larry has the director Sam force her to do four takes, each increasing the level of suffering she must endure for her art. Her reward is a spinoff series of her own about a captured indian maiden "The Peril of Princess White Dove".

Lengthy second segment is a takeoff on that dumb USA Network nighttime series "Up All Night" which starred Rhonda Shear and the late Gilbert Gottfried. Instead we have Dorothy Laine and Sadie Belle tying each other up as warring hosts for the show. Dumb commercials for hand-cuffs and bandanas are way too obvious, and the movie being shown: "The Pretzel Imp" and its sequel" plays like something made by Fourth Graders, not budding Spielbergs but strictly untalented types. It has Sandra Stone tormented by Kat Le, who wants to share SS's pretzels. If that sounds like a stupid premise, it is, just an excuse to see more girls all tied up, squirming and groaning.

Speaking of groaning, final segment has ultra-busty Alexis Taylor playing twins, one of whom is nuts and persecuting her roommates. We get to see bondage, and big tits falling out into view due to squirming. All I learned was when I looked the show up in IMDb and discovered Aleixs is the latest victim of manipulating the database: her name has been changed to Shannen Leigh, only used for a handful of her hundred plus credits.