Merc

I know Evil Angel, home of gonzo, is considered the top porn label and I know big-deal industry org AVN likes to plug Adult's biggest spenders, but even so the 6 Best this & that nominations earned by this total clunker a decade back represents an alarming occurrence. Justin Slayer's feeble attempt at directing a feature is so incompetent, maybe he should run for President of the U.S. instead. Better him than Kanye West to succeed the Trumpster.

Ordinarily when a film or video ends with a "To Be Continued" and the completion followup is never released I get mad and frustrated, but in this case: Thank you Justin for keeping Part 2 to yourself!

For two hours and 25 minutes The Slayer delivers just a prelude, "saving" all the good stuff for Part 2. Beyond my facetiousness, I'm telling the truth, because Part 1 titled "Merc", winner of 6, count 'em, 6 fabulous AVN nominations (Palovian for "you better go out and buy a copy right away"), has its entire story (if one can call it that) delivered in voice-over narration. What occurs is the no-name femme talent posing, dancing and stripping for Justin's video camera, and then Black-on-Black explicit sex scenes shot as crudely as any homemade sex tape.

Voice-over, delivered by Slayer and occasionally by his co-star Nat Turnher, is in stereotypical, self-insulting argot or what Justin thinks is Ebonics, telling us of his character's life as a flunky working for drug-lord Greedy (played by a cat named Greedy), and his plotting with colleague Nat to get Greedy, pun intended. Action scenes are missing in action, and the finale absent. Nothing really happens apart from the sex and posing for stills, leading to "To Be Continued" card appearing, and a brief "preview" of sex from the never-to-be-shown Part 2. Apparently Part 2 shot, but Evil Angel honcho John Stagliano was wise enough not to throw good money after bad by releasing it. Or maybe he was just angered by the failure of such a fabulous production to take home 6 trophies at the annual AVN awards show.

The sex scenes are 100% mechanical, and the femmes unimpressive. Millian Blu (or Blue) as one of the leads reminded me of all-time great Dee, but otherwise Justin's casting is for the birds.